Love and Loss

28. You're Mine

11:35 am
Los Angeles, CA
Deija

My leg tapped up and down incessantly as I stared at the women across the room from me. She was quiet and hadn't said much besides hi and hello since I had entered the room.

She sat in her chair across from me, jotting a few things down in her notebook as I waited in silence. She was making me nervous.

Today, was my very first therapy appointment. To say I was nervous, was a complete understatement. I was scared shitless, of what? I don't know. But I've never liked doctors, and even thought we weren't in a hospital she seemed like one. Or maybe it was the fact that I didn't want to tell this random stranger all of my dirty little secrets.

Regardless, Dr. Brown had only a few minutes left before I jetted out of this room and never came back.

"So, Deija." She finally broke the silence, shooting me a bright smile as she looked away from her notepad. "How are you today?"

"I'm good." I smiled.

She smiled as if she could see right through the cracks, "How are you, genuinely? Not the fake answer we give to every person we encounter on a daily."

I chuckled, "I'm good really. Just a little nervous."

"That's understandable." She stood from her seat, walking over to her desk where she grabbed what looked like a speaker and her phone. Sitting back in her chair, she sat the speaker on the desk next to her. "What kind of music do you like to listen to? What calms you?"

I was taken off guard, "Um... I like R&B."

"Jhené, Summer, SZA?" She named off the classics.

I nodded, "Those all sound good."

"Perfect."

As she scrolled through her phone, trying to find a good playlist, I took the time to look around the room. It was much different than what I would've imagined a therapist's office to look like. Her walls were bright yellow, meshing nicely with the white and brown decorations she had sprawled across the room.

Green vines weaved across her walls creatively, and her grey couches were daunting yet comfortable. Everything in the room screamed calm and happy, which is funny since I imagined this a room where people come and aren't exactly happy.

My eyes landed on my therapist herself, who was beautiful to say the least. I chose her specifically because she was a black women, and I knew that if I had to do this whole self-healing thing, I was not going to do it with white folk. I needed someone to trust and to make me feel comfortable and her brown skin, pink lips, and curly fro, made me feel just that.

Suddenly, the tunes of Jasmine Sullivan began to ring throughout the room, grabbing my attention.

"There we go." She smiled, picking up an incense off the desk next to her and a lighter. Waving the flame over the end of the incense, she placed it in a holder as the smoke and scent wafted through the room. "Sorry, I like for my space to be calming."

"No, I love it." I smiled. "I used to burn incense and sage in my apartment all the time."

"Their the best right?" She asked. "Are you into crystals?"

"Not as much as I wish I was. I always find myself wanting to buy some, but I don't know where to start." I admitted.

"Well look, there's this super cute spiritualistic festival happening in midtown next week. How about you come with?" She asked.

I smiled, "I honestly would love that."

"Then it's a date." She cheesed. "I'll send you all the information after our session."