a/n sorry for the gratuitous robbie williams (actually not very sorry heheh)
Willa left it till their exams were over to confront him about it, figuring the middle of your A-levels probably wasn't the best time to be trying to tackle your boyfriend's gay sexuality crisis.
She and Jared met up after what was the last exam for both of them, a geography paper that could've gone better but could also have gone worse. Willa was too relieved exams were over to think much about how she'd done, but they hadn't been a complete disaster. Right, onto my next mission, she thought dryly as she and Jared entered her living room and sat down on the sofa.
"I talked to Isaac last night," she said, not wasting any time, and stared expectantly, waiting for an answer.
He grunted, looking away from her.
"He alright?"
The words sounded like he was trying to get barbed wire out of his throat.
"Not really. He finished his exams on like, Tuesday, though, so I guess there's that. You should go over and see him."
Jared laughed grimly.
"Believe me, he doesn't want me there."
"Yeah he does," she said. "Or he would do if you'd stop being so deliberately fucking blind."
"What?" His tone was taken aback. "I don't- I'm not-"
"Why are you such an idiot, Jared?" she interrupted him, voice rising. Her eyes were flashing anger. "You're so- you're so fucking dumb, thinking- not realising! Just fucking admit it, will you. You're in love with him."
Everything froze. Willa's breaths came sharp and loud.
"I'm not gay," choked out Jared. She let out a strangled scream and said,
"Oh my god Jared, shut up. Stop this. It doesn't have to be black and white- it's not like that, people just love whoever they fucking love. And yeah, you're probably bi or- I don't know Jared, but it doesn't fucking matter. You think you can get out of trouble by avoiding your own feelings, but you're just hurting yourself and everyone around you."
Her voice had gone more high-pitched and broke a little at the end, and Jared felt suddenly, overwhelmingly shit. He was drowning, her words repeating in his head. There was no way out of this. All that was left to do was open his mouth and start breathing in water.
"I'm sorry," he said brokenly, and his eyes were stinging and he was going to cry, fucking hell, he was going to cry in front of her. He turned away to hide his face, expecting more shouting or a harsh slap.
What he didn't expect was Willa's arms around him. He didn't expect Willa's hand petting the back of his head like a hurt child's, or her voice quiet beside his ear.
"I know," she said. "I know you're confused, okay. But I also know that you love him. Not me. And I know you know that too."
He pulled her tighter, said,
"I've fucked everything up. I'm sorry I- led you on."
She shook her head and drew back with a small smile.
"I'll live. You're one of my best friends. And yeah, maybe I accidentally became part of your sexuality crisis and maybe you should've told me earlier, when you first started- wanting him. But I'll be mad at you later, ok? Right now I just want you to go fix things with Isaac. I love both of you, and I just want for you both to stop being so fucking" – she gave a tearful laugh – "so fucking miserable, okay? Go get your man."
The relief he felt then cleared his lungs in a way he'd not felt for weeks now. He felt lighter, his breathing easier, and he said,
"Thank you,", meaning it more than he had possibly ever done before. Willa just rolled her eyes.
--------o--------
When Jared was gone she managed to get upstairs, into bed and under her covers before she started crying properly, selfish and stressed and small and aching in the dark. She'd curled up into a little ball and didn't hear her sister leave her own bedroom and then pause in the doorway to Willa's.
"Wil?"
She drew back the covers from over her little sister's head, and rubbed her arm in an attempt at comfort. Willa turned her face to Cara's.
"Going for the panda bear look?" teased Cara gently, wiping away some of the smudged mascara from Willa's cheeks. Willa just gave a pathetic little sob, then tried to bury her head back under the covers. Cara shook her head, pulling her up into a hug instead.
"Boy troubles?" she asked, and Willa couldn't help but choke out a laugh at that.
"You don't even know," she told Cara tearfully, in a voice that was half-sob half-laugh. Cara pulled back and made a face at her, smiling as she answered,
"Meh. Boys are fucking idiots."
YOU ARE READING
Invincible
Teen Fiction"I didn't know you had friends like Isaac," Willa said in greeting. "I don't," muttered Jared. Isaac rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you don't. You have //one// friend like Isaac." His voice turned into this stupid mock whisper and he leaned towards Jared c...
