I didn't take my meds today.
Two days ago Caitlin Adams asked if I was bipolar because I was into her on Monday but by Friday I had figured out that she was too demanding.
But those words, that question... it seeped into my soul and tarnished my tho...
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SOMETIMES I feel like Blue only told me what he thought I wanted to hear. For the last hour he had been talking about his grades, how high they were and how he was in the 'gifted' program at school.
His lips kept on moving and I tried to refrain from yawning. At one time in my life, I would've killed to end up with someone like Immanuel Blue.
Someone smart and semi-attractive, someone able to keep me on my path of faith. Someone I would trust to make wholesome decisions on my life and steer me in the right direction for eternal peace because Blue was everything good. No scandals attached the pastors son and it didn't get anymore pure than that.
But now, I was different. The things I valued in a relationship no longer remained the same. Before, I wanted someone to make my decisions - now I just see that as control.
I didn't want to be controlled, I wanted to be free. I didn't need a smart man or even a pure man. I wanted a man who could make me laugh, bring endless joy to my life and I wanted a man who could be my 'safe space' instead of someone I feared.
"I'm sorry." I interrupted his bragging speech on good grades and he stopped mid-sentence, a notion I could see pissed him off. "I'm not feeling too good, I think I better go home."
"Oh." He answered. "You need a ride because I already ordered and I was looking forward to the chicken wings."
My lip curled up in distaste, not at the chicken wings but because if I were really ill, he'd rather eat chicken wings than take his sick date home. What a jerk.
"No, I'll be fine." I stated.
I couldn't escape out of there fast enough, I hopped on the bus to the fields where I knew Arlo would be hanging out waiting.
As I approached the darkness I could hear music and laughing. The washouts from our town all huddled together seemingly having a party. They shouted to me as I walked past them but I kept my head up and my mouth shut.
I spotted Arlo's Audi before I spotted him, the headlights were on the brightest setting casting a whiteish-blue spotlight across the field. But then my attention landed on Arlo and Kara, dancing together.
They laughed and drank out of glass beer bottles, he gripped her waist and held her kinda close. Too close for my liking. She wrapped her arms around his neck and shimmied her body to the music.
"Hey!" He didn't even break apart from her hold. "Come dance with us!" I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself. Kara grunted and stepped away from him, fishing into her pockets for a cigarette and lighter. "How was your date with the pastors son?"
I glanced at Kara, she stood against his car just smoking quietly but listening to everything. "Fine." I worded. "I'm gonna go." Arlo laughed.
