Fallen Angel // Alex Karev

Chapter 56

"Andy" I hear someone say "Andy wake up" and I jolt awake "what!? Yeah!? I'm up!" I say sitting up straight. I feel asleep in the hospital, I was on back to back shifts yesterday and last night, honestly I'm surprised I wasn't even in a deeper sleep. I rub my eyes sleepily and turn my face up "Richard?" I ask, my voice groggy "yes and you have been here for too long already, you need to go home" he orders. I shake my head and stand up "no I'm good sir, I just need a little nap." Webber huffs and folds his arms "a little nap? Doctor Tearney you are near dead on your feet. Go home, rest and then come back later. That's an order."

I watch as he stalks away, I let out a breath and run a hand through my hair. He is right, I am no use to anyone like this, especially not my patients who need me at my best. Rubbing my eyes again I head into the attending's lounge "I've been looking all over for you" Mark says pouring himself a cup of coffee. I open my locker and take out my coat "I've been here the whole time" I say covering my mouth while I yawn "going back to my place for a few hours and then it's back here."

I ignore Mark as he studies me intensely "you are running yourself ragged Andy" he says gently, he puts the coffee pot down and comes over "what's going on?" I shrug on my jacket and take the hot cup from his hands "nothing, I've got to get home" Mark kisses my forehead affectionately and I head home.

I sleep for about seven hours before I come back to Seattle Grace, needing to get back to work to distract me from the thoughts of mine and Alex's argument until I remember that Izzie finally admitted herself into the hospital to treat her cancer. I make the rash decision to go up and see her.

She is sitting in a hospital bed, in a private room. I knock on the door frame, the door already open "want a visitor?" I ask keeping my voice light. Izzie Stevens looks up from the magazine in her lap and for the first time I notice how sick she really looks and I wander how I missed it, how any of us missed it.

When she sees me she smiles brightly and pats a space on her bed "of course come in" I match her smile with my own although I don't know how convincing it is. I move into the room and sit down in a chair next to her bed "how are you doing?" I ask kindly and she shrugs "besides having cancer, I'm doing great" her joking makes me laugh and I admire how she can make light of such a situation "I know it's not ideal" I say leaning on the bed with my elbows "but this is the best thing you can do to get better. You know we look after our own"

Izzie nods sombrely and takes my hand in her own, her hand is freezing and I have the urge to pull away but I don't, instead I hold on tighter. I open my mouth to say something but am immediately cut off by a male voice behind us "hey Iz, thought I would swing by first thing and-" but he trails off when he sees me. I turn my head and I drop my hands from Izzie's "I should start rounds" I say getting up and brushing myself off "just page if you need anything Stevens" I say and brush past Alex brazenly "don't you have rounds too Karev?" I ask coldly but don't wait for a reply but instead head up to the peds floor.

At lunch I decide to go and see Izzie again, I bring in lunch for both of us "thought you would be hungry" I say placing a tray on her table. Izzie sits up, she looks more tired then earlier which means she has probably started her first lot of treatment "you didn't have to do this" she says picking up a fork. I shrug and sit down "I wanted to. It's not like you have anyone else to keep you company" I joke and she chuckles. We sit in a comfortable silence eating our food, i unscrew the lid of my drink and Izzie turns to me suddenly "Alex told me about your argument" she says, I take a sip of my drink "I just want you to know that I told him to move in with you" she presses on when I don't say anything "I told him he doesn't have to stay. I'm ok without him. Alex is a stupid guy but his heart is in the right place."

I swallow and nod my head "I know but every time I think we are progressing he freezes us in place. I don't know if I can do that any more." We fall back into silence for a few more minutes before I look up at the blonde in the hospital bed "he loves you, you know" I say softly and she looks at me with wide eyes "I don't think he knows it yet" I admit "he loves me but he is in love with you" she goes red and I stand up, finally finishing my food "and I know you have feelings for him as well, even if neither of you know it yet and I love him enough to let him go" I reach the door and turn around "just make sure you look after him as much as he looks out for you Stevens that is all I want." I don't give her a chance to answer before I'm down the hall and back to the cafeteria.

I am writing up my surgery notes when Alex comes storming over "what the hell is your problem!?" He asks pure anger in his voice, I look up, the nurses and other doctors around us staring "Karev let's not do this now ok?" I say looking back down at my notes. Alex steps closer to me "you have no business talking to Izzie like that" he says and I look up again. I notice the other people around us staring so I grab him by the cuff of his lab coat and drag him into an empty patient room. I lock the door and spin around to him "what is my problem?" I ask stepping forward "what is your problem? You don't come up to an attending and shouting, especially about private matters."

Alex scoffs and folds his arms not the least bit intimidated "of course you deflect" he spits "you can never face a problem head on can you?" I glare at him, my heart pounding in my chest "I'm facing it head on right now, aren't I?" I say not backing down "or is this not the real problem? Maybe it's because I figured it out before you did and you can't handle that." This forces him to be quite for a few seconds and I think the argument is over and I start to relax but then he says "Chief Webber came to me, asked me I could donate so that they can fertilise Izzie's eggs, apparently that have a better survival rate that way" and it feels like I have been punched in the gut.

"What?" I ask softly, caught off guard. Nervously Alex scratches the back of his neck, doesn't say anything so I ask "are you going to do it?" Alex goes pale and I know the answer. Angry at myself I start laughing and I throw my hands up in the air "of course you are!" I say between fits of laughter "why wouldn't you? You would do anything for Izzie Stevens but won't even move in with me." Alex steps forward and I back away, this makes him hesitate "go" I say looking away "just go Karev" and he does.

I wipe a few tears that managed to find a way out of my eyes and head back out into the main area and back to my surgery notes.

"Has Izzie's surgery started?" I ask Cristina and Meredith who are standing with this backs against the OR board, I ignore Alex. Cristina looks over at me and nods, I suck in a breath and pick the skin around my nails nervously. There are a couple of interns there too all of us waiting in silence.

"I hate this" I say and Meredith nods and looks down at her feet "I know" more silence starts again. Alex starts pacing and George and Callie join us. "Hey And" Callie says as I walk over to her "hey" I say resting my head on her shoulder "I wished her dead" Callie admits to me and I look at her suddenly "I wished Izzie Stevens dead when I found out she was sleeping with George while we were married and I feel awful for it." I sigh and hug her close "you are not an awful person Callie it was heat of the moment, you never knew this was going to happen. None of us did."

Chief Webber comes through a set of doors then and stops, taking in all of the doctors waiting. Waiting for Izzie Stevens to come out of surgery. "What are you all doing out here?" He asks and everyone looks over at him "waiting for Izzie sir" Alex says "we're waiting." His eyes flick to me and I look away, flashes of our earlier argument coming into my mind. After a few moments of silence Richard says "your scared. I'm scared too" and then he moves on.

We wait for what seems like forever until Bailey comes out and everyone starts asking her questions. She takes a huge breath and I clutch Callie's hand for support "Shepherd respected all of the tumour" she says "she'll be in the PACU for an hour. She's fine." I let out a breath and step away.

"Hey fancy grabbing a drink at Joe's?" Callie asks as we leave the OR floor, I shake my head "no thanks. I think I'm ready to go home, today has been a long day" she nods and we say goodnight.