Something permanent

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These past two days have been heaven and hell at the same time

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These past two days have been heaven and hell at the same time.

Id been sleeping in Percy's room at night, and I couldn't stop thinking about him to the point that I've been dreaming about it.
Everything in his room reminded me of him, even the sheets smelled like him from his afternoon naps.

Percy slept on a couch in the living room at night and it's....feels weird to dream about him when he's so close by.

I still couldn't get over him saying that I would be the one who would come home with him every Christmas.

Thinking about it sent my stomach butterflies a flutter.And then they returned to their cocoons when they remembered that Percy was engaged and that there's still a possibility nothing can ever happen between us.

And it's extremely hard to just forget that. Believe me, I've been trying.

Apart from every Percy related debacle that ran through my mind, this whole trip has been exactly what I needed.

Sally's been teaching me new dishes to try for the bookstore. Estelle's an absolute delight. And even Paul and I have a lot in common, with his love for English literature.

Given how happy I've been, it's sad that Percy and I have to leave tomorrow.

But it was Christmas....and I was determined to enjoy it.

The only thing which put a damper on my Christmas spirit  was Helen's phone call.

Listening to Bobby and Matthew prattling on about their school and what they're doing all day was not the problem, it brightened my day.

I did love my stepbrothers.

No, the problem was when Helen began questioning my methods of running the bookstore. She asked me a billion questions, mocked every answer and then asked me why I didn't go home for Christmas.
I hung up at that point.

"Hello Estelle, good morning," I cooed, greeting drooling baby, who was giggling in Paul's arms, "Merrry Christmas! This is your first one ever," I told her, giving her a boop on her nose.

Sally gave us matching Santa hats to wear for Christmas, and Estelle looked like a doll In hers and the green sweater Sally dressed her in for the day.Her eyes were just like her brothers, sea green.

She giggled again, extending her arms as I took her from Paul. I wished Paul a Merry Christmas as well.

"Someone's brother is a very heavy sleeper," I told Estelle as we walked to the Christmas tree. It had dozens of gifts under it, almost all of them addressed to Estelle. Lucky little baby.

"Someone's brother is not a very heavy sleeper, he's wide awake," Percy said, showing off his reindeer antlers headband.

Estelle laughed in response, looking up at me as if telling her that her brother had arrived. Yes, he did, baby E

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