ZeeZee: You as a K-pop Idol

CRASH LANDING

Everyone that's been anyone has that thing. That crash landing that's the biggest hurdle to their future, but what I didn't ever predict, was mine coming so soon.

~YOU~

My whole childhood I've surrounded by music, and with my mum being Korean and my dad being from the Caribbean, I was constantly being played K-pop and Steel Pans.

Performing was my life – I played multiple instruments, danced at carnival, and was constantly busking or giving impromptu performances to my neighbours. It was my passion. And naturally, I swayed to the K-pop industry.

I was determined to prove that someone that looked like me could succeed in such a conservative culture like Korea. I was sure I had the talent and that I was ready, so all I had to do was get my parents on board – easy enough, right?

***

I stand outside of the living room door, biting my nails as my aunt prepares my parents for the news. As much as they both love K-pop, I know they wouldn't be all too happy about letting me into the industry, and I understand why: who would want their daughter to be in an industry like that? Abused, starved, and screamed at. Pushed to the very limit. But I need them to understand. I need them to know that this is what I want. I get that I'm only fourteen, but this is what I want to do, and with JYP's new survival show just on the horizon, what better time to start than now?

The door opens and my stomach lurches.

"You ready?" Your aunt smiles.
"Hell no," I whisper. She gives me a weak smile, one last tight-squeeze hug and pushes me through the door.
"You'll do great," She whispers.

I walk to the sofa where my parents sit.

"I just have to get this out the way," Dad sighs. "You're not pregnant, right?"

I burst into nervous laughter.

"Of course not!" I say.
"Thank God," He sighs. "What is it then?"

I take a deep breath.

"Well, you've heard about JYP's new survival show next year, right?"

My parents nod suspiciously.

"What about it?"
"I've been thinking about it for a while now, and well, I'd like to be on it."

Silence.

"No." Here we go.
"Just hear me out – I'd move in with Grandma and Grandpa in Korea, I'd audition and see how it goes, and if I don't get on the survival show, I can come straight back home, no harm done."
"Y/N, the answer is no," Dad says, scarily sharp.
"But-"
"No buts!" He snaps. I flinch. He takes a deep, shaky breath. "I am not having you waste away your education, your life, just to chase some far-fetched dream." I feel myself tearing up – they have to understand, they have to.
"Dad, it's not far-fetched! I-I'm good! I can do it!"

He turns to my aunt.

"This was you wasn't it?! Filling her head with these naive fantasies!"
"Dad, please!" I shout, falling onto my knees. "I want to do this! I need to do this!"

Mum gets up from the sofa, scarily calm.

"Y/N, we said no. Don't ask again."
"Mum please, this is what I want – it's all I want! It's what I need. I want to be on stage, I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to have people listen to the song I've made. I-I want to see my name in the lights, I want to have fans screaming my name because I inspire them. Me, Y/N! Can't you see that?!"
"What I see is a showoff," Dad spits.
"Dad please!" I sob.
"You really want this?" He asks. Stupidly, my face lights up.
"Yes. More than anything in the world."

He chuckles darkly.

"So, more than family?"

My face melds in confusion. Suddenly, he grabs me by the hair and drags me to the front door.

"Dad stop!" I scream. "You're hurting me!"
"You want this dream so bad," He shouts, shoving me out of the front door. "Go for it. But know this, you are no daughter of mine!"

I scramble to the front door.

"Dad, please!"

He slams the door in my face.

All too soon, the extent of what I've done dawns on me, and I feel my life crumble around me. I sprint to the window, seeing my sister's face.

"Ella, please!" I howl. She sheds a single tear, before shutting the curtains.

"No, no, no!" I wail, banging on the window. Nothing. Finally, I crumble to the ground.

I knew my parents wouldn't approve of my dream, but I never imagined anything like this. This, this has to be too far.

Through my tears, I hear my aunt screaming, defending me with all she has. But, raining on the front lawn is all of my belongings: my clothes, my childhood toys, framed photos of me grinning from ear to ear, memories all tossed without a second thought, out of my home.

My aunt bursts through the door and sweeps me up in her arms.

"Oh treasure," She whispers, stroking my hair. I let it all out, every single tear, every last drop of sadness out onto her shoulder, and she whispers sweet, unintelligible nothings into my ear the whole time.

This is it. There's no going back.