(ON HIATUS) Blank // Changkyun FF

Chapter 39: Minor Chit-Chat

(Minor warning around the end there will be a little bit sensitive topic so be aware. If you are not comfortable on reading the part then feel free to skip that sentence or paragraph. Thank you)

As I was stopped by Wendy, I didn't even move a muscle nor an inch since tons of flashbacks was running thru my head, then I was hit back to reality.

Wendy: "HEY! Y/n it's been so long that I saw you! You know I was quite lucky to run into you again since I didn't apologize to you about what happened in high school"

Just hearing those words made me relax a little since I didn't talk to someone around my age for so long. But is it really necessary to bring up the past now?

Wendy: "I know you may not feel comfortable now, or even feel comfortable talking to me at the moment, but I just truly want to apologize to you about what Yeri and the rest did back there at the cafeteria in high school". 

As Wendy spoke, I just listen to everything carefully. Like I know she was the only one in the group who wanted to stop the commotion, but just her procrastination took over her and made her to feel hesitant. Which I understand.

Y/n: "I know it's in the past for about couple of years now, but I know in high school everyone had there own phase on being popular and being a top tier in the whole high school. Like I accept your apology, but just the tragic trauma affect me a lot mentally and physically, which carved a very deep scar in me.

As I said those words, the atmosphere became intense for the both of us...

Wendy: "Y-yeah, I understand that a lot, since the whole group and even "I" made you feel like that. But I just want to reverse things with you since I was manipulated in the whole act by the group also, and I really never had the opportunity to approach to you, and make a proper introduction about myself"

As Wendy was saying her words, it really affected me a lot since, she to was in the similar position as I am. But, as I take some thought, I noticed that I wasn't ready to forgive her yet since my trust issues are very severe and very difficult to accept, so in the end I just told Wendy that I needed sometime to think about it since my mind is not there yet also. Which of course made Wendy taken a back a little but accepted my answer.

Wendy: "Oh.. well okay, I mean I totally understand you having trust issues can be a very big thing for you since the whole thing happened, but if you finally made a clear answer and mind about it, please let me know since I am truly sorry about it really. So if you need to talk about it again her is my phone number just in case if you want to reach out"

Seconds later Wendy then gave a sad gentle smile, and started to walk away from me. My thoughts were running non-stop as I just sat there not even moving a single muscle; The air became a blur and hazy after but was still tolerable. My feeling of a sudden anxiety just overwhelmed me for no reason, until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

(Changkyun POV)
As I started my routine as usual such as meeting up with Jooheon, Classes, etc., as time and the day pass by, from every location I went all I heard was gossip about from students saying that their is a student here that looks very "foreign" and look very absurd from appearance cause of their marks on their skin which of course I find it neutral I guess since, I had lived in Boston when I was younger so seeing Mark's on Skin" can represent as tattoos... on which I think what they meant?

(At the Café Shop)

Jooheon: "Hey I.M, I'm planning on going to the movies with Minhyuk? Are you down?"

Changkyun: "I pass"

Jooheon: "C'mon I.M!? We haven't been to the movies together in a long time when we were in high school?!"

Changkyun: "Yeah I get that. But look I'm not in the mood alright, I'm just tired I haven't been asleep for the past months...plus I havent been feeling motivated"

Jooheon: *Sigh* "Still thinking about Y/n right?"

Changkyun: "Isn't it obvious?"

Jooheon: "Look I.M, I know it's still painful for you but, there are times where you have to relax and let go for a bit because if this keeps going on Im gonna lose you man. And in the end all I will be talking to is pure air or a lifeless I.M" (Sounding worried)

(Changkyun's Inner thought)
"I get the worry, I get the anxiousness, I get the fear and agony. But I just can't forget Y/n... the fear of letting her go is to painful, plus I know she is here somewhere but at the same time I don't know no more..."

Changkyun: "I get where you are stating but there is a possibility hyung I can still find her even if it takes longer... I just have to wait and..."

Jooheon: "And what Changkyun? You being in this state is NOT healthy at all! This is killing you, I get that you miss her but do you think you are to obsessive of her? That you can't even let go?! And remember, I went to the doctors with you and the doctor even gave you Phenobarbital (Insomina pills) to help you relax a little bit and give you some rest and sleep, Haven't you been taking those?!"

Jooheon was raising his voice at me to the point it gained attention to the customers and employees in the Café...
I didn't respond back but to only respond with a silent voice and stare...
Jooheon looked around the Café and bowed to everyone for his apology.
The tension was too much for me to even bare.

Changkyun: "I'll talk to you later hyung..." *Got up and walked out*

Where ever I go or even think the slightest things her face always flash in my head which makes me fall on my knees all the time and just ball my eyes out... the desires of seeing her again makes me want to find her even more, and even if I did find her I want to run up to her and hug her like it's no tomorrow... all I felt was guilt or regret giving me horrible flashbacks on why it's all of my fault on that DAMN DAY AT THE MALL!! and the same following day when we were at home, on why she was spacing out for a long period of time and why did she sound as nervous for some apparent reason?!

So many thought were rushing in my head that I couldn't even handle it, even parts of a memory when I was younger started to kick in..

"YOU F**KING IDIOT YOU KILLER!!!"
"YOU PRICK HOW DARE YOU KILLED MY SISTER!! THIS IS WHY YOUR FAMILY NEVER LOVED YOU!!!"
"HAS YOUR FAMILY EVER TELL YOU TO NEVER DATE ANYONE!! YOU PSYCHOPATH!!"
Etc., etc.. 

As my thoughts continued playing on with my head, I went straight to my dorm room and screamed in the top of my lungs till I couldn't breathe no more and cried at the same times cause of how much agony I was feeling all I thought about was suicide, but at the same time I couldn't...