Unrequited love

Twenty four | Lilah

Looking up at Colton I watch his chest rise as if he was in a rush to get here. Gripping the door I place my chest when he tries to come inside. This isn't what we agreed on.

'You said you where coming tomorrow?' I lower my voice, trying not to catch my parents attention. I'm just glad that Diana isn't here at the moment. She wouldn't make it so clear that he was at the front door and it would've been such an issue.

Despite his efforts to please them, my parents never really liked Colton at all. I'm not sure why but they would always talk negatively about him. It was always 'he doesn't like you' or 'he's not asking you out because he's not loyal.' I always ignored their opinions but ever since two days ago I've been wondering if they're right. No. They are right. I know it and I've known it for a while.

'I can't...I'm supposed to be tutoring Katie,' he mimics my hushed tone, though he doesn't know why I would be whispering in the first place.

Feeling a lump grow at the back of my throat, I clear it. I know he's not 'mine' but I don't like how he's prioritizing her. It's not exactly his fault but they aren't studying from dawn till dusk. Could he not have spared at least thirty minutes to just come talk to me?

'You could've still come...just spend an hour tutoring then come over,' I bite the inside of my cheek. I know an hour isn't a lot of time but I don't think you need all 12 hours of the day either.

'I'm already here,' he steps up closer to me. 'And I'm supposed to be hanging out with someone then she comes over...'

'Someone.' Wanting to keep myself as happy as possible I don't ask. Glancing past me he gently moves me so he can come inside before slowly shutting the door. Feeling him grab my hand my heart beats faster as he quietly guides me to my room. Pulling my hand away, nothing he's said up to this point as been positive so this small interaction should be positive either.

He mostly climbs in through my bedroom window so him knocking was risky. My parents could've opened the door and they would've sent him back where he came from once they saw him. I don't understand why he came in through the front this time. He didn't even give me a clear heads up. Texting me only after knocking a couple times. My parents couldn't answered before I got to the door.

Finally reaching my bedroom he lets me in first before coming in and slowly closing and locking the door. Turning to look at me he sighs before walking to my window and opening it.

'I'll be leaving soon so I'm just going to open it for when I do leave,' he looks at me blankly. Biting back any negative feelings I sit down on my desk chair. I'm not really used to him looking at me like I'm a random girl he knows.

'Look-,' he leans against the wall and crosses his arms, 'I really shouldn't have stopped answering you like that...it was childish. You where more than that.'

Where. Where. Where. Repeating the words over in my head I take a sharp breath. Past tense. Past tense is fine? People use the wrong tense all the time. 'I noticed.'

'Urm...but I don't want to go back to...to whatever we where doing.' Never mind. 'I really don't know what we where Lile but I don't want to continue it.'

Breaking eye contact when he uses the nickname, I stare at the wall. He only ever uses it when he wants to convince me to agree with something. It was an inside joke but God does it hurt so fucking much in this context.

Resting my hand on the back of my neck I take a deep breath. Okay. At least he's here. At least he told you to your face, he has enough respect to do that much. But it would be nice if this want real. I want all of this to be a bad dream but I'd be lying to say I'd be shocked if it wasn't.

I saw this coming and I saw this conversation happening, it was just a matter of time. I've tried everything to prevent it and it's like trying to win someone over again when you think you already have them. It hurts.

'Why? Like truly. Why?' I look up at him. It's something I've been wondering for almost a year now, 'what was I doing wrong? I've seen the way you look at Katie and I just want to know what I did to lose that.'

Seeming annoyed he doesn't respond for a few seconds, 'Katie is my best friends younger sister Lilah...I wouldn't even go near her because I'm smarter than that. We're only together because the school requires me to help her,'

He didn't answer my question.

Leaning of the wall he uncrosses his arms before looking around my room. 'I'm going to go now okay? I just wanted to properly tell you in person since it was only fair. You didn't deserve to be ignored like that.'

I don't speak. I don't really know how to feel right now and I assumed I would cry but I'm somehow not. I feel everything and nothing at the same time and it's so confusing.

'Text me if you have anymore questions.'

Guiding my eyes back to the floor I hear him climb out the window. Flinching when it slams shut I sit there in silence, too afraid to even move from my position.

Soon noticing my vision get blurry I see teardrops hit the floor so I quickly wipe my face.

I guess I did cry.