Unrequited love

𝑺𝑷𝑬𝑪𝑰𝑨𝑳 || Damon

(This is an extra chapter that was added after the book was finished since I feel like it was appropriate to the story!!)

Leaning my head against Katie's door, I take another broken breath. She won't talk to me right now and I don't know how to feel.

'Katie?' I yell out her name but she doesn't respond.

'Katie please. I've been begging for you to open your door for two hours now. You'll eventually need to leave your—' I feel the door open from behind me.

Looking up, she's staring down at me. I hadn't actually expected for her to open it since she's been ignoring me for a while now so I've been sitting here on the ground with my leg up. A part of me assumed it wasn't worth it but I stayed regardless. I stayed because it felt wrong for me to leave.

'Katie—'

'Why would you go and do that.' She's blatant but clearly hurt. 'You've always kept me away from people I genuinely loved. You never cared and no matter how much I cried you couldn't  care less. I don't think you realize how hard it was having everyone remind me I would never be as good as you and on top of that having you try and control the very little group who would even bother looking in my direction.'

'Katie I didn't do it to hurt you,' I rub my face. I'm still a little startled she opened the door since I've been begging for a couple days now. She only comes out when I'm not waiting so she doesn't have to see me.

'Damon do you know how much it sucks to always be regarded as nothing but an extension of you?' Her voice hicks. 'I get so happy whenever someone sees me as just me, even if the attention isn't positive and I know it's bad but what other choice do I have. You've always had everything and more. If you wanted something or someone you'd have it before you could open your mouth to ask and I've never explicitly told you how that made me feel. I never had because it wasn't your fault that people did this. It wasn't your fault that they treated me like a joke. It's not and never has been directly because of you but I can't help but beat myself up for it.'

Rubbing the back of her neck, she seems to struggle to keep eye contact. 'I get so happy whenever I'm able to have even just a small thing which you can't have because it separates me from you. It's the thing that I can call mine and I don't have to share or completely give it up to you so why. You have so much so why did you have to go do that.'

Biting the inside of my cheek, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. I'd be lying if I said that I was unaware that people placed me on a higher standard than her and she's right. I can't do anything. If I tell them to relax it'll get worse and see me as some sort of savior and she'll be some sort of victim I stood up for. Changing someone's opinion is harder than people think it is, especially if it's influenced by others who think the same.

Except I've been using the power to protect her. To try and protect her but It hasn't worked has it. I don't know if anything I've been doing was good anymore.

'Damon I hope you know that I don't mean to objectify her. Brylan isn't an object to call mine. She's her own person and god is she amazing. I get why you'd like her so much but I...' I don't look up to her. I doubt she's looking at me either. 'You might not know this but I'm still a human being. I'm so tired of people treating me like I'm nothing but an side character in their lives. It hurts so bad but I was willing to stick is through. I was willing because I had my small circle that belonged to me and I belonged to them. I didn't have to share them, I didn't have to worry that I was being used by them and I didn't have to constantly worry about you when I'm around them. They just wanted to be around me so fuck does this hurt.'

'It hurts because I haven't been able to get in contact with Alex for long periods at a time recently but Brylan still found time for me.' Her voice croaks. 'That's all I needed to satisfy me because she's all I have but then you decided that all these things in your life weren't enough for you. You have so many girls that you could turn too, you have so many friends who's drop everything to just sit and listen to you talk. You have options but you chose her. You chose the one person I didn't have to split with you but why? Do you enjoy it? Is it exhilarating knowing that you can pick and chose what I can have? If you want someone close to me you can just take them and leave me with nothing. Damon, I'm not idle. It felt like a slap in the face to see you kiss her because it really sank in how useless I am. If I disappeared people would get over it because at least it wasn't Damon who went missing.'

I'm silent for a few moments before forcing myself to look her in the eye. That's not true at all. If something happened to her there would be people who cared. I would care and I don't think I'd ever get over it. 'Or am I wrong. You didn't want her but she...she got tired of me and wanted something cooler?' Her assumption seems to shatter her because I can't make out the last two words. My lack of a response due to me not being able to understand her clearly, seems to register wrong. 'I'm right aren't I? It was never truly about me and she only cared about you—' she continues but I cut her off when it occurs to me that her anger flipped from me to Brylan. It's my fault this happened so it should be me taking the heat.

'No. She didn't. She fucking hated me. She fucking hated me because she didn't want to hurt you.' I try so hard to calm my own frustration. This whole situation is exhausting and I've never hated myself more because it's entirely my fault. They were so happy in their little bubble and I went and I popped it for no good reason. 'I did try and ignore it Katie but I couldn't. It's not like I didn't put effort to ignore how I felt but nothing. was. working. So I convinced myself that it was okay to act on my feelings because it made me feel better. Not sleeping or eating because of your own emotions sucked Katie but I'm so fucking sorry but I couldn't. I couldn't ignore it anymore because it physically hurt me too and it's selfish and I know it. I know it was wrong and I'm so sorry. That's why I allowed you too...'

That's why I was so lenient on her going to Colton's house. I thought that maybe if I excused it then it made my own vendetta okay. Obviously that's not how it works. It's just me being selfish. Getting up off the ground so I'm looking down at her now. She's waiting for me to give her a reason on why I'm here. I've been begging for her to come out so surely it's because I have something to say.

'I don't want you to be mad at Brylan.' I state which only makes her clench her jaw. 'I can understand and I can handle you hating me but she doesn't deserve that. I'm the one who ruined things,'

Stepping back, I run my hands through my hair. Everything has been so fucked over for me right now just because of my own decisions. I shouldn't have kissed her in such an exposed space knowing anyone could see. Not even that, I should've have spoken to her at all.

Maybe if I had sucked it up and forced myself to get over it then I wouldn't have hurt their relationship. Even though I don't verbalize it, I do care for my sister. The way I display it just isn't the best but she's right. I can't just block her from everyone I know and everyone in general then go for someone she cares for. It was an egocentric decision. I need to learn to be grateful for what I have because it's more than enough. Mr plate was full yet I still took from hers.

'I won't talk to her. She's been ignoring me anyways so what's the point.' I whisper. 'You're right anyways. I'm lucky to have 'everything' so I shouldn't go for what's yours. Especially after banning you from what's mine.'

She doesn't have anything to say anymore. Instead she just stares at my eyes as if she's waiting for me to say the wrong thing or expose another lie. It's fair on her part not to trust me anymore. I've been lying to her face for weeks so she has no reason to believe me. 'That's all I wanted to say anyways.' I hold my own hand before turning away. It's not long until she shuts the door once I've walked far enough.