Love.
As 'beautiful' as love can be it hurts and bleeds. If you're unlucky you may even love the very person you know you can't have.
The best friend,
The distant boyfriend,
The sisters friend,
The brothers friend,
The ex best friend,
Love isn't alw...
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She asked me if I loved her.
I know she wasn't being serious but to me it felt like a real question. Even though she's always used that phrase.
'Because you love me.' She's always said it and I've always laughed and said 'yes I do.' She would think i'm joking but I wouldn't be.
Wouldn't be.
Thats past tense? Why did I talk about loving her in past tense? Scratch that, why did I even hesitate to agree when she asked in the first place? I responded with the most unconvincing 'yeah...' I think I've ever heard. Even though she didn't notice, I was suprised by my own response to her question.
I didn't want to say yes when she made the statement today. It didn't feel right when I said yeah because it felt like a lie. Its never felt like a lie before. I've always agreed and meant it but this time I don't think I did.
'Fuck.' I come to a realization.
'Whats wrong with you?' I hear Lilahs voice from my desk. She's playing checkers with herself since I've been laying flat on the bed for an hour. Just thinking. 'You've been laying there since I came over,'
'I think I fell out of love with Katie.' I say so quickly I wonder if she could even understand me.
I think she did since the clicking I could hear coming from the checker board suddenly stops. 'What?'
'I went to school-,'
'You went to school?' She scolds me. 'Why would you go? Principal Carson would get so mad?'
'It was just an after school basketball game- Katie asked me too and I cant say no...' I question myself.
Well at least I don't think I can say no to her. What if I had plans tonight? Would that have changed my response to her offer? Would I have said no to her for the first time?
'Okay,' I hear her move the board to the side, 'what I think you should do...is consider the possibility that she's with someone else. Think of her being hugged or kissed by them. Think of them making the same jokes she made with you but with them.'
'Does that criteria work?' I laugh.
'It worked when I was trying to figure out if I liked Colten or not,' she shrugs. 'And look where that got me,'
Laughing at her comment I think about her criteria. None of it would actually phase me if Katie did it with anyone, anymore.
Thats a lie actually.
The 'making the same jokes' thing kinda hurts. But her being with someone else doesn't bother me. Maybe thats why I wasn't so pressed with figuring out whats going on with her and Noah. I kind of just let her go. Yes I cared that she was upset but I didn't really care to know what happened.
