Relationships - A MDE FanFiction

Chapter 4

Alex's P.O.V

"So I'll see you around" I said to Johnnie, fiddling with the bracelets on my wrist - a habit I did when I was nervous.

"Yeah. I can't wait" Johnnie said and gave me a kiss on the cheek. My cheeks went bright red as I giggled. Johnnie started walking back to his house as I shouted out bye and then knocked on my door.

"So, you and Johnnie eh!" My sister said immediately . How did she find out?

"What?! No" I replied. My lies weren't convincing her because I was one of the worst liars you would ever meet.

"I subscribe to Johnnies channel! I am a thug pug" my sister said as she then flipped her hair, causing me to laugh.

"Yeah, I'm dating Johnnie now" I said, blushing, not believing it anyway.

"I know. I think it's great! Johnnie is such a nice guy." my mum spoke from behind me.

"I know" I said, hugging my mum.

"Go to bed now anyway" my mum told me and my sister.

"Fine." We both said in unison.

I sat on my bed and decided to look through the comments of what people were saying about mine and Johnnies relationship.

"Fake."

"Only going out for attention"

"They don't actually like each other, they're only pretending for more subs."

I was shocked. How could they thing I could be that shallow? I wasn't doing it for attention or to get more subscribers! I was going out with Johnnie because he is and has always been my dream guy. I loved him with all of my heart! Could these people think I was this bad? The people at school hated me and the only way I could vent or calm myself was to turn to my subscribers but I guess they left me to. With a heart full of regret, I reached in my pencil case for my sharpener. I carefully unscrewed the screws that held the razor and the sharpener together. The cold steel felt oddly comfortable as I held the sharp razor in my hand. It had been 4 years since I last self-harmed. I ran into the bathroom, sure that I was going to do this. I looked in the bathroom mirror, tears flowing from my eyes and trickling down my cheeks. I wasn't that shallow! Should I even listen to what they think? If they really didn't like me, then I didn't need to take their opinion on board. Who am I kidding? I always care what people think about me.

I rolled up my sleeves, revealing my pale arms. All evidence of a past struggle with self-harm, gladly and finally gone. I didn't want to start that up again. It had been the worst years of my life and I didn't want to relive them. I grabbed the razor and just lightly pressed it against my skin so it only bled a little. The sensation I got from it was immense. Like all my problems were dissolving and escaping from me like the blood escaping from my arm. I pushed the razor a little more deeper, making a little more blood. I repeated this several times before my sobs and cries stopped, and I was just slicing and tearing apart my arm. I went to my wrist, repeating this process. All my sadness and all my anger was replaced by the fresh cuts on my arm and wrist. I sat on the cold bathroom floor now, letting the blood from my arm flow out. I didn't care how much blood I was losing. I just needed my problems to disappear. I then, eventually, started carefully dabbing my arm until the blood stopped. I moved over to the tap, picking and wiping bits of dry blood on my skin. It did hurt and caused it to bleed a little more but I was determined to forget about what I have just done. I took one quick glance at the mirror before wrapping up my arm and walking out of the bathroom. I finally went upstairs to my room and threw myself on to my bed. What have I just done?

The throbbing pain in my arm was a reminder of what I just done and, although the pain was quite dull, I still wasn't used to self-harming so it hurt more than it should. I didn't want to get back into the routine of self-harming, covering up, denying. I just cried into my pillow, thinking about how what I just did was a mistake. I decided that it would be best if I distracted myself and usually I would check out comments people would leave me but this time I knew I couldn't. I grabbed my phone and it read that I had one unread text so I opened it.

Hey! Wanted to make sure you got home safely! - Johnnie <3

Awwww, Johnnie always knew how to make me smile and when I used to self-harm, he helped me overcome it. Johnnie had been an awesome friend and hopefully he was going to be an awesome boyfriend. I started to text back.

I did, thanks. What about you? <3 - Alex <3

Wait! Was I being a bit too "clingy" or "eager" by putting a heart at the end? I saw that he read the text and there was nothing I could now about the heart so I sat on bed and decided to wait for the verdict.

Aww, that's good. I got home thanks! <3 - Johnnie <3

So he didn't mind about the heart! That was good to know. My eyes were getting more and more heavier by the second and, before I knew it, I fell asleep smiling at the thought of my new relationship with a hanging realisation of the mistake I had just made.

*later*

I woke up very late, at 12 o'clock in the afternoon, and walked downstairs after making sure I definitely had long sleeves on.

"Hello?" I asked in a groany voice. How was it even possible I was still tired?

"Anyone there?" I pressed on, hoping that I had the house to myself. After a few minutes of searching, and a heart full of hope, I finally concluded that I was home alone. I racked my brain for what to do. Eventually, I decided to sit down and watch TV for a bit while I checked through Instagram. Most of the comments were kind and nice but some of the comments were unnecessary and uncalled for. I immediately logged off my Instagram account, not wanting to repeat what I let stupidly happen yesterday, and flicked the channel over on the TV until my phone buzzed.

"Hey, what are you doing today? <3" - Johnnie <3

I smiled at the heart at the end again as I typed my message.

"Well, I'm home alone at the minute so nothing much <3 " - Alex <3

It was less then a second of Johnnie reading the text, when he replied.

"Are you going to be busy later? <3" - Johnnie <3

I was a bit confused. Why did he care about what I did later? I still typed up my response, though.

"No, why? <3" - Alex <3

Johnnie immediately responded.

"I was wondering if you would like to go to the fun fair that is in town with me. It would be fun and it could be our first date." - Johnnie <3

Awwww, at this point my heart melted. He did really care for me. He also must have known that fun fairs are my most favourite thing ever. I quickly text back, letting excitement get the better of me.

"Of course! Yay! Fun fairs are the best!" - Alex <3

A few seconds later and Johnnie had replied already.

"I was hoping you would say that! So, I'll pick you up at 8, if that's alright with you?" - Johnnie <3

I typed up my answer fast.

"Of course, can't wait! X - Alex <3

With a huge grin on my face, I put my phone on the table. I was so excited! I couldn't wait for hours and hours until he picked me up. I wanted him now. I was still grinning, though, as I properly focused all my attention to the programme in TV. I just sat and waited until my family came back so they could give me advice about what to wear and little stuff like that.