Relationships - A MDE FanFiction

Chapter 24

Alex's P.O.V

I walked downstairs, following where Johnnie went a few minutes before. As soon as I reached the living room door, every head turned towards me. Did I have something on my face? Or we're they just looking at me because I did something wrong? I bet Johnnie told them something - would he?

"What?" I asked with a slight hint of annoyance

"Nothing. I think you shouldn't go in the kitchen" Meghan told me.

"I think I can determine where I go" I quickly replied; a little too bitchy.

"Johnnie's upset in there because of you so I don't think you can" Meghan smugly looked at me.

Shannon, Bryan and Diego were shocked but didn't say as they were trying to remain neutral.

"I think you should keep your nose out of it. He's my boyfriend and if I want to see him, then I'll go and see him" I responded to Meghan.

"If you knew how to treat a guy, then yes, you could go find him but you don't" Meghan smirked.

"There's no need for that Meghan" Bryan reminded her. I can't believe she's saying it's my fault? How does she know if she weren't even there? It was both mine and Johnnie's fault so why wasn't Johnnie getting this horrible reception?

"Whatever. Tell Kyle I'm hungry so I've gone out for a bite to eat" Meghan instructed, getting up and walking out of the house without any agreement with anyone else.

"I think she's tired, Alex. I wouldn't take much notice of it" Shannon smiled at me.

"I know but we're all tired. I'll just leave it because I need to find Johnnie right now" I remembered.

"He's in the kitchen with Kyle. Just...he's a little upset...I think but he didn't tell me, or anyone, anything" Diego informed me, trying to select the correct words to make me feel like I didn't do anything wrong. Maybe I did. Maybe I'm a terrible person. I should just....I couldn't...I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again but it felt so good. The pain, the pleasure and the blood was the whole experience. I needed to self-harm. I couldn't. I shouldn't. I wouldn't. Not until it all builds up. I need to learn how to control myself and, right now, I needed to find Johnnie and apologise.

"Okay. Thanks" I weakly smiled before walking in to the kitchen.

Johnnie was red-faced but I knew he hadn't been crying. I guess that could be considered a plus but he wouldn't have been in this mess if I didn't screw everything up. I'm such a horrible person.

Kyle was sat on one of the wooden chairs in front of Johnnie; who was perched on the work top counter.

"Alex!" Kyle jumped as if they were talking about me. They probably was...

"Kyle" I replied in a monotone voice.

"Do you want me to go?" Kyle asked Johnnie and then tilted his head towards me like he cared about both of our opinions which was a comforting feeling.

"I don't mind" Johnnie answered, becoming more and more calm by the second.

"I'll leave. I have to go out with Meghan anyway and you both clearly need you space" Kyle spoke, starting to get up from his chair before placing it where he originally found it - which was by the kitchen table which we rarely use.

"Okay" I agreed.

"Oh! Meghan left already. She told me to tell you that she had gone out to grab something to eat" I added, remembering what Meghan said after she decided to get involved into my business.

"Okay. See you guys" Kyle grinned in a sense of support as he walked out and the door closed behind him.

Just me and Johnnie.

"I'm sorry" I spoke up, in a unaudible tone, shakily.

"Why? You have nothing to apologise for." Johnnie sounded confused. If I didn't have anything to apologise for, why was he annoyed? Why was everyone telling me to leave him alone? Why was I being treated like a villain?

"So why are you here, being annoyed, and not socialising like everyone else?" I asked, a bit annoyed myself now.

"Because you don't tell me anything! You're not open with me! You're just so perfect and I don't understand why you would want to hurt yourself!" Johnnie raised his voice, getting a bit emotional.

"I used to. I don't anymore. I'm very open with you, more open than anyone else, so I don't see why you are angry." I pointed out, leaning against the wall because I wanted this heated conversation to be quick.

"Open? Really? You're lying about you lying! You're not open at all. I ask you if you're nervous and you act all happy about school. I've known you all my life so I know when you're not okay and when you are - and right now, you're not" Johnnie raised his voice through anger then, climbing off the work top, he started walking around the whole of the kitchen doing big and dramatic hand movements.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I just don't want you to worry about me" I confessed, choking up a little.

"Baby, I worry more when you don't tell me. I start imaging you in the worst most horrible situations. I start imaging you a couple of years ago, self-harming every day. I know you keep getting upset when I mention our past but we need to. How do you expect us to move forwards without learning from our mistakes? All I need right now is for you to be honest because we work. We're meant to be. We can't screw this up because of our pasts. You just need to tell me if you ever feel upset because I don't want you going back to the way you was before MDE. None of the rest have known each other as long as we have so we need to remain strong. As long as you're not self harming again, then we'll win this battle. It's not just your battle but it's ours" Johnnie delved into his speech, talking with so much passion - as if he actually want what he was saying.

"I love you" was all I could say. The overwhelming feeling was too much.

"I love you too" Johnnie comforted me, smiling.

I'm glad that we're okay now and we've sorted it out but I hated having to lie. Technically I didn't lie about the self-harming because I didn't say anything...I just...side-stepped over the issue. I do love him and I hope he loved me too.

Johnnie turned to me and smiled as I looked deeply into his eyes, feeling him warm embrace.

Could this be a new turning point in our relationship?
Should I tell Johnnie everything or would it just scare him?
It was so frustrating and confusing. I wanted to tell him but I couldn't; in risk of him thinking I was weak and in risk of him running as far away from me as possible once he sees how screwed up I am. It was all too much...

A/N

Hey! Sorry I didn't update yesterday but I was busy because I had to go to some of my family members because I turned 15 on the 23rd of Sept and I didn't see everyone. I will be updating every week, all my stories, and the schedule is in my bio. Keep calm and read on my Emo buddies :D <3 ~ Tiff xxx