By the Grace of God I will love you Unconditionally

The Pregnancy Test

I walked into the drug store with my sunglasses on and my hair in a messy bun.
I tried my best not to look like Katy Perry.
I shouldn't be embarrassed.
I mean, c'mon, women buy pregnancy tests ALL the time!
But not celebrities...
No no. Not celebrities.

I walk through the isles looking for the tiny rectangle shaped box. I see it and I look around to make sure there aren't any paps. I grab it and put it in my shopping basket. I also get some tissues and a cherry lollipop.

"Will this be all?" The cashier asks after she rings up the stuff.

"Uh...y-yes please. Thank-thank you." I say with a shaky voice.

"Don't worry honey. First time?" She asks.

"Huh?"

"You bought a pregnancy test. Is it your first time?" She asks me.

"No.. But..it's been so long and I'm not sure if I'm ready again. I have a 15 year old...." I say.

Then that train hits me to.

Ava isn't 15. Her birthday was....

Wait a minute....her birthday IS today...

"Uh actually she's 16." I say

"Really? You don't look a day over 20." She smiles at me.

"I'm 30 actually. Almost 31. I had her when I was 15." I say.

"Well good luck with this next one if it's positive." She says as she hands me my bag.

"Thanks." I smile weakly.

That's why Ava was mad. I totally FORGOT! Today is her birthday! That's why she told me to check my calendar! I rush to the nearest store. I rush in and buy some flowers, a card, and a teddy bear. I also get her a movie she's been asking for. Into the Woods. She loves that movie for some reason!

I rush home and run to her room. I knock on her door and it creaks open. It must've been unlocked.

I hear voices.

"It's okay. She loves you. She just screwed up." I hear Tamara's voice. For the third time I feel a bit of jealousy and this time it doesn't go away. I open the door all the way and walk in with the flowers, bear, card, and movie.

"Here. Why don't you ask your new mom Tamra to give these to you." I drop the bag on the floor and turn around to walk out.

I bite my lip and hold back the tears.

Not here Katy. Not here. Wait until you get to your room.

I walk a little faster and I grab the other bag from the table. I go into the bathroom and lock the door. I take the PT out of its box and hold it where it needs to be. I don't even have to go pee so I get a paper cup from under the sink and fill it with water. Right before I drink it I feel myself having to go pee. I put the cup down and pee.

As I raise the PT up when I'm done, the tears begin to come.