Deep [Niall Horan]

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Hi! I know that some of you think that commenting a lot annoys me, but it definitely does not! I love to read the comments so much! The more the better! <3

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Emily,

I didn't write this to win you back. I wrote this because I'm tired of lying to you. I'm going to start from the beginning.

I was born in Ireland. I don't know who my parents are, but I remember spending some years as a young lad in an orphanage. I'd like to think I was a happy child. I had friends that enjoyed my company and I laughed a lot. But everyone I knew continued to leave. The kids I grew up with were all adopted before I was. I thought, maybe I'm just different, but that's okay. I went through interview after interview with adopting parents but with no luck.

I was age ten. It was at that point that I had given up on trying to be presentable for families wanting to adopt. I had stopped caring. One day, the orphanage lady came into my room and told me I was adopted. I was shocked because I hadn't even had an interview. She told me that a couple wanted the orphan that had lived there the longest, which was me.

I was excited and scared at the same time. I was finally adopted, but I wasn't sure what my future had for me. My new parents were from America. I was told I was going to have siblings. Brothers my age.

After I packed my suitcase, I met my new parents. I thought they were the most beautiful people I have ever seen. They wore fancy, expensive clothes and they smiled a lot. I couldn't stop talking. I asked them a billion questions. They laughed as they answered all my nonsense questions.

I met my brothers that night at a hotel. We were all quiet around each other, still shocked at the fact that we were a family. We were so young. Four of us had brown hair like our new parents and one of us had black hair. My other brothers were adopted from England.

We flew to America together. We were all so nervous. I had only heard of America and I heard great things. Us lads on that plane were a nervous wreck.

When I got there, I was in so much shock at my new home. It was huge! The biggest house I've ever seen! A gigantic white mansion with pillars, gardens, fountains, and at least a billion cars! I had grown up in a little orphanage sharing a room with at least four other boys, so it all came with a huge surprise. I had my own room!

I quickly got along with my new brothers. We did everything together. Our bedrooms were all on the same floor and we ate all our meals together. Whenever we went out with our parents, there would be cameras everywhere taking pictures of us. I'm not going to lie, I loved the attention.

My parents were wealthy entrepreneurs that owned the biggest technology company in the world, but we weren't spoiled kids. You may have heard a rumor of Louis having a gold Lamborghini, but that isn't true. My parents raised us right.

It was good for me because I was finally happy. I was on the soccer team with Louis. My brothers and I actually started a band and we played once a week downtown. I had a lot of friends, but the older I got, the more time I spent away from home. I started to lie to my parents so that I could go hang out with people, but then I started to do some really bad things.

I bullied kids at school. I started smoking, drinking, and having sex. I mean, A LOT of sex. I was a nymphomaniac. Girls, every night. I couldn't stop. I never thought about it. I smoked weed all the time and I drank probably every type of alcohol that exists. My brothers were nowhere near as bad as I was. They got good grades and awards and had nice girlfriends. I was the family disappointment. I was an embarrassment, but I didn't care because I was having fun. I never thought about it.

My brothers tried to help me, but I wouldn't let them. I was rude to everyone, even my parents. I thought I was better than everyone else, I dyed my hair blonde, and I had 'friends.' I left the band and then Crazy Mofos fell apart.

I used to throw these wild parties back in high school where I would send out secret invitations to the 'cool kids' at school telling them to meet me at a warehouse in a secret location in town. My brothers never wanted to go.

At the parties, we did everything. We drank so much and had so much sex. We had so many drugs. I coordinated everything. We had marijuana, cocaine, heroin, everything. So much alcohol. I had so much sex at those parties; I don't understand how I never got an STD because all my 'friends' did. I guess I just got lucky.

I lived this life all through high school. I never thought about it. I lied to everyone about everything. When I would meet a new girl that didn't know about the parties, I would pretend I was a virgin and pretend to be someone I wasn't just to get sex. It was the only way to get a girl to have sex with me. I had sex with all those girls at the parties, so I wanted better. It worked but then the girls would find out I was lying and they would leave me.

I've taken many girls' virginity without thinking much about it. I've slept with my brother's girlfriends without thinking about it. I've stolen money from my parents without thinking about it. I've pretended to be someone I'm not to take advantage of so many people.

After my parents died, I stopped throwing those parties and I lost all my friends. I realized that none of them really were my friends at all. They only liked me so they could be invited to my parties. I deserve it because I've betrayed so many people. It was a taste of my own medicine.

I wanted to change myself for my parents. I really regretted all the shit I did when I was a teenager after the accident. The last time I saw them, they were crying because I was arrested for marijuana. They told me that they missed the little boy they found in Ireland, they told me that they missed the smile that would light up everyone's day. My last words to my parents were 'fuck off.'

After I moved in with Stephanie, she really helped me a lot. I stopped drinking, doing drugs, and having sex. I went to a therapist and I was starting to become a different person. I changed my last name to Horan from Whittaker because I felt like a new person. It was also to cut myself from who I was before the accident. I went back to school and everyone was shocked at how I had changed. I was being nice to people like I was when I was a wee lad in Ireland.

After graduating, I went to college and it was going to be a fresh start. I moved into a dorm with Harry and we enjoyed each other's company. I tried many jobs but failed at them all. I hadn't talked to Zayn, Liam, or Louis in a long time since the accident because we had a falling out at the funeral.

Harry was always shy and to himself in his childhood and high school, but Harry came to college and told me he wanted to start over. He wanted to be outgoing because he said that he hated being so quiet, and I tried to convince him that I envied his conservative personality because my outgoing personality is what led to my downfall. He wouldn't listen to me and he wanted to go to a frat party. I couldn't let him go there by himself, so I went with him. That was my mistake.

Going in there triggered me, and I went back to the lifestyle that I used to live before my parents death. I started smoking and drinking again. It's sad because I had been sober for almost a year. I started having sex again. I don't know what came over me, but I never went back. I still haven't. I realized that I never truly changed from the horrible person I was.

I have no excuses for what I've done, especially what I've done to you. I want to apologize for all the shit I've put you through because no one deserves it. I really want to be a better person, but I don't know how to do it. I need help because I want to be different. I really need to change because I want to do it for mum and dad. I want to do it for all the people I've hurt throughout my life. It's not fair to them and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.

Love always,

Niall

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I thought I would just make the letter it's own chapter. No cliffhanger! How is the chapter? How are you feeling about Niall?