THE SPACE BETWEEN

Chapter 53

Trigger Warning(s):  Explicit language and sexual scenarios

(Shannon's POV)

I was awake before my alarm and turned it off so it wouldn't wake Missi. It was rare for her to be in bed when I woke. I laid quietly and watched her. I wanted to snuggle or at least touch her. As badly as I wanted to know if she'd let me, the thought of finding out she didn't want me to would be a blow to my ego. I was trying really hard not to do anything to push her buttons. There was something about her demeanor that told me she was very close to leaving for good. Lately, when I looked at her, it was clear how badly I'd hurt her. She looked worse than I'd ever seen her and knowing that I was to blame was weighing heavily on me.

So much depended on staying sober that at times I felt like I was walking a tight rope. The sessions with Angel were helping but I still struggled to maintain. Hearing Angel say that some couples can't get past this kind of loss was not the kind of thing I wanted to hear. 

I wanted my wife back. Once you've had someone's heart and all their being, it's hard settling for less. Missi had given me her everything at one point and now I didn't know if she'd even give me a hug. 

Missi started to stir when I sat down on the edge of the bed to put my pants. I greeted her when she opened her eyes.

'Good morning.' I said as I stood and pulled them up.

'Morning.' She seemed confused as she looked around the room.

'If you're wondering how you ended up in bed last night, I carried you.'

'Thanks.' She rubbed her eyes. 'I actually slept more than a few hours.'

'You needed it.' I pulled a shirt over my head.

'I guess the Ambien works.' She seemed kinda spaced out.

'I think you're right. I was happy to see you got something to help. It might make you a little foggy for a while.'

'Yeah. I think I'm figuring that out.'

'Do you want me to make you some tea?'

'No, I'll be fine.' She got up and walked slowly to the bathroom and closed the door.

'I'm leaving now. I'll see you later.' I called to her.

'OK.' She replied.

I thought of sticking around to see how long we'd keep talking this time, but I was running late. 

***

A couple weeks later Missi looked much better. The spaciness she'd experienced after her initial dose lingered, but we were talking more often. I wanted to show my affection, but I still hadn't tried approaching her. My eyes had started wandering more than they should when I was out of the house and around other women, which was a bad sign. I'd never been in this situation for this length of time and I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to hold out.

Ambien is known for causing blackouts the same as alcohol does. People who take it can do or say things they can't remember like sleepwalking, sleep-eating, sleep-driving and even having sex. Knowing that was keeping me up at night in more ways than one. Some nights I'd lay in bed imagining what I'd do if I could. I'd get myself worked up and frustrated and have to take things into my own hands.

One night I couldn't keep my eyes or fingers off the nipple that was peeking through the fabric of Missi's nightgown. My tongue ran over my lips as I slid behind her and spooned. I started slow, testing the water by running my hand softly up and down her arm. She didn't stir. I draped my arm over her side and rubbed my thumb over that enticing nipple. Still no movement. I kissed her neck and caressed her breast.