THE SPACE BETWEEN

Chapter 24

Trigger warning(s):  Language

(Jared's POV)

I couldn't believe the horror Missi and I had walked in on. It was like a painful flashback to Shannon's past off-the-wall antics when his addiction was leading him around by the nose. Part of me resented him for putting me in this situation again, but I felt compelled to confront him like countless times before. It would likely fall on deaf ears, but he was my brother and I needed to at least try getting through to him. If I were to walk away knowing I hadn't tried I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something bad were to happen. I had little doubt that Missi was having her own flashbacks of the same type of things. The disease makes the addict a prisoner but the people who love them are hostages and their torment can be just as painful.

Shannon came downstairs with a chip the size of Texas on his shoulder and it was obvious he was riled up and ready to fight.

'What the fuck makes you think you can come into my home and tell me what I can or can't do?' His face reddening as he yelled.

'I came to check on you.' My reply was soft, hoping he'd calm down and follow suit.

'You really thought it was necessary to track me down all the way past a closed bedroom door for fuck sake? Did you like what you found?' His eyes were shooting daggers at me.

'Jesus Christ Shannon. How old are you?'

'Older than you and you know nothing about what I'm going through.'

'I didn't realize one of the stages of grief was jerking your gherkin on the internet like a teenager. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you so fucked up that you can't see the effect this is having on your life and your marriage? How would you feel if you came home and Missi was sprawled out on the bed like that?'

'I'd join her! I'd be elated knowing she was into sex again. What do you think made me do something like that? She's dried up like a prune.'

'This all comes down to fucking? Is that what you're saying...that's your sick defense?'

I could tell as his eyes darted back and forth that he was searching for an escape route.

'What the fuck did she tell you?'

'She wouldn't elaborate. She just said you haven't been right lately.'

'Neither has she!'

'What the fuck do you expect bro? Are you waiting for someone to wave a magic wand and everyone will be healed and go on like nothing happened? It doesn't work like that.'

'I can heal...but I need her to love me again...and be able to make love to her.'

'You do realize that sounds pretty sad, right?'

'I can't help it. That's a big part of the love thing for me.'

'I think you're grasping at straws. You're definitely confused about the difference between sex and love. She's not just a piece Shannon. You actually love this one...remember? For better or worse?'

'I don't feel bonded anymore.' Again he was struggling for a different approach and resembled an animal backed into a corner.

'What are you doing to help yourself get through this...besides getting fucked up and itching your twitch on the internet? Which is a seriously dumb idea I might add.'

'I don't know how to deal with this.'

'Then get help!'

'I need Missi, but she's not there for me anymore. I can't reach her.'