THE SPACE BETWEEN

Chapter 18

Trigger Warning(s): Explicit Language

(Shannon's POV)

Despite the offers of having someone accompany me to pick up Missi at the hospital, I went alone. I was hot and miserable even with the air conditioning cranked. I was dreading the thought of looking Missi in the eye, especially since I hadn't visited her the day before. With Mom, Chelsea and Brittany back and forth there was no need for me to go. I said I was sick and definitely was after racking up a third consecutive hangover. Eventually I had some hair of the dog, but that turned into more than one. At least the pills were helping smooth things out a little. Initially I'd contemplated Missi and I trying to talk on the way home, but as bad as I felt I knew my temper would flare if she blew me off like before.  

My sunglasses weren't doing a very good job shielding my eyes from the bright sunlight as I walked toward the main entrance. My stomach started churning after I passed through the hospital doors and the pungent smell of disinfectant stuck in my throat. I kept swallowing anxiously as the elevator stopped on various floors. I had to get off before I reached Missi's floor because I knew I was going to be sick. I searched for the closest restroom and asked a nurse who was passing by for directions. 

I knew by the look on her face that she knew who I was, and it took her a few moments to regain her composure. Her hesitation ended up impacting both of us quite negatively. When I spewed without warning the splatter redecorated her white shoes. She was very sympathetic and offered me a place to lie down until I felt better. By then the incident had drawn attention and the cleanup crew was on the scene. I needed to vamoose before someone pulled out their phone or worse yet called the paps. If someone followed me to Missi's room the reason for us being there might become public knowledge. That was the last thing anyone needed. 

When I got to Missi's floor I hit the bathroom again before going to her room. Luckily, she was despondent and when I kissed her forehead she didn't seem to notice that I wasn't feeling well. She was discharged quickly, and we made it to the car without incident. The traffic was light, conversation and eye contact minimal, even when I put my hand over hers. 

It was no surprise that everyone fawned over Missi when we arrived home. I felt like the invisible man since everyone seemed to act like she was the only person who'd suffered a loss. Missi and her entourage headed upstairs, and I followed like an obedient dog. I set her bag down in the bedroom and when I felt my presence as the caring husband had been duly noted I went outside by the pool. Luckily Jared had left to attend to a few things, and I was alone for a while.

Missi was asleep when I went back inside, and I took the opportunity to take a ride on my bike. Once I assured Brittany that I wasn't taking off this time I was out of there. The feeling of freedom I normally get on the open road didn't come. I was anything but free—the feeling of having a noose around my neck prevailing.

I stopped at a little place along the coast for coffee. That was the plan until I ordered a few shots to go with it. The incessant chatter at the open-aired café wasn't helping clear my head. I knew when I watched a few fine-looking females walk by that I was in dangerous territory and realized this wasn't where I needed to be.

I went home with the intention of seeking an iota of solace from my wife if she'd allow it. I needed to at least try.

****

Despite being told Missi was sleeping, I went upstairs to the bedroom and laid down beside her. I stared at the ceiling wondering how to start a conversation. When she stirred, I rubbed her back to let her know I was there.

'Someone once told me that a soul's destiny is already determined before they're born. I never got to look into his eyes or know his soul. I can't take this Shannon. I'm losing it.' She said shakily.