THE SPACE BETWEEN

Chapter 20

(Shannon's POV)

I kept trying to erase the guilt that was eating away at me over the way I'd initially reacted to Missi being pregnant. I'd wanted her to have an abortion so a baby wouldn't come between us. I couldn't let go of the idea that maybe this was my fault, that I'd jinxed the outcome from the start. Ironically the baby's death-not birth-was what was driving us apart. I vacillated between blaming myself and blaming Missi.

I'd found ways to keep myself busy. I reacquainted myself with old friends and met new. The upstanding individuals I was spending time with just so happened to sell dope. It wasn't hard getting back in the groove since money is such an amazing passport.

When in need of other comforts, my buddy Google provided a wide array of possibilities that led to hours of entertainment. I donated a lot of money to websites that took a different approach to promoting health and wellness. Attractive women contorted their bodies like glory-bound gymnasts leaving little to the imagination about how they'd reached such pliancy and fitness. It was entertaining to watch how voraciously they consumed offerings of essential nutrients. Protein was an important part of their diet and of greater importance than the smaller array of minerals they were lapping up.

Eventually I moved on to more personal sites. One-on-one was a better way of getting the stimulation and attention I craved. I grew fond of a petite russkie who had an insane wild side and a style all her own. Her toned body made my mouth water, and her devilishly inviting eyes were mesmerizing. She was very interactive and quickly made my top 10 list. The thickness of her accent when she enunciated key words like 'cock' and 'fuck' seemed to ping off my whole body. Sadly, I realized that I was laying the groundwork for yet another vice. Nonetheless, I felt worthy of commendation for not dabbling with anyone's flesh but my own.

During my visits with Missi we'd unwittingly developed an unspoken agreement. In the presence of others we played the part of a loving couple, but when we were alone very little was said. Thinking back to the first time Missi was released after a breakdown, I remembered how we believed nothing would ever come between us again. I wasn't optimistic about what lay ahead for us now, and her attitude didn't seem much brighter. We certainly weren't counting the days until her return the way we had back then.

I'd been dodging calls from Mom, Brittany and Chelsea. I didn't see a need for daily interaction. That approach eventually bit me in the ass when Mom and Brittany showed up unexpectedly the day before Missi's release.

Wondering if they were there to scrutinize my activities; I was pleasantly surprised when they tidied up the house and ordered groceries. I'd already done some shopping before their arrival. The liquor cabinet was well stocked, and my reserves were strategically placed in different locations throughout the house. I'd done the same with various party favors.

I wasn't messed up enough to feign enthusiasm about a gathering they were having the next day for Missi's homecoming, so eventually I made it appear that I was distraught and needed to return to the solitude of my bedroom.

***

I didn't go along with Chelsea and Brittany to pick up Missi. I received harsh looks as I expressed why my presence wasn't necessary. Very simply put, Missi was coming home and I'd see plenty of her then.

***

I was attentive to Missi when she arrived and played my part with great finesse. I wished my brother were elsewhere since he'd shown me little to no support while Missi was away. But he likely knew I was self-medicating and that's why he had tuned me out. He was quite skilled at identifying the red flags he'd seen wave in the past.