THE SPACE BETWEEN

Chapter 33

Trigger Warning(s):  Language and Sexual Scenarios

(Missi's POV)

I was in awe of the scenery as we stepped outside into the evening air. It was the 'blue' hour, which only comes at dawn and dusk. The sun's position below the horizon accounts for the rush of blue light into the atmosphere and bathes everything that hue. I like to think of the nightly event as Mother Nature's way of tucking the earth under a blue blanket before kissing it good night. Photographers take advantage of this lighting to capture stunning landscapes and silhouettes, the same as some of the pictures taken on our wedding day. That felt light years away now though.

Shannon took my hand as we walked along the beach. Although silent, we were together. My mind was recounting the day's events which happens somewhat spontaneously when darkness falls. The thought of me rushing out of the doctor's office had been the worst part of the day, seconded by the meltdown that occurred when we were at home.

Shannon's admission about having meltdowns over Theo was something he would never have been able to say from inside his narcotic bubble. He'd locked his emotions away, but now I knew he really did hurt the same as me. Sadly the knowledge was comforting, but it also instilled hope that we might get a few steps closer to where we'd once been. It was frightening to think that our chances of getting through this hinged so heavily on his sobriety. I'd done this dance before and I knew how important it was to go into it with a positive attitude.

I looked up at the sky and thought about the baby boy we'd only been blessed with for a short time. The stars reminded me of the celestial light fixture in the nursery where the crib had been, and I had an idea that gave me a feeling of contentment.

'What?' Shannon turned and looked back to see why I'd stopped.

'We could name a star after Theo.' I smiled.

Shannon looked like he'd been sucker punched and gaped at the sky as if expecting salvation from above. A tear rolled down his cheek and he started shaking like a tower about to crumble under too much weight. I put my arms around him. I was saddened by his grief, but knew there was no way of taking the pain away. It would undoubtedly bind us forever.

'Let's go back.' I looked up at him with deep concern.

He wiped his face with the back of his hand and nodded. I held onto him as we drudged through the sand back to the cottage. I felt awful having upset him so badly.

'I need a smoke.' He blurted out once we were inside and rushed to the front door.

When I heard a car ignition I hurried to the window to look outside. My heart sunk as I watched his taillights fading into the darkness.

(Shannon's POV)

Reopening wounds was like having my skin peeled off. It was all too much for one day. I needed something strong to kill the intense emotions I was feeling. I was shaking and my body felt like it had gone into full-blown withdrawal within a matter of seconds when Missi spoke.

I was out of my comfort zone—miles away from connections who'd fix me up without question. I felt so pathetic. It had only been hours since Missi and I reunited in the ways I'd hoped for, yet I was considering throwing our progress away.

Maybe she wouldn't be able to tell if I slipped just once. Who was I trying to kid? She already knew something was off by the way I ran out on her like there was a wildfire. I couldn't afford to lose her trust more than I already had.

Caffeine would amplify my senses, but something was better than nothing. Donning a pair of dark glasses, I braved entering a convenience store despite looking like hell. Hot coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other I leaned against my car sweating profusely. Staring into the distance I literally saw a sign offering an option I should have already considered. The word 'pharmacy' was illuminated in red letters—reminding me about the prescription I needed to have filled.