THE SPACE BETWEEN

Chapter 54

(Missi's POV)

I received a text from Shannon not long after the flowers arrived.

'Let me know what you'd like for dinner and I'll pick it up.'

And what would come after dinner? Would he try mood music and dancing? Would he want to fix me a soothing bath—perhaps give me a massage? So much for my thinking that he was okay with the way things currently were.

Not to worry. I 'd faked my way through sex, even though it had been quite a while since I'd done so. Sex with Shannon was unbelievably good until things fell apart and they had been good again until the Cheryl incident. I was fearful that things would change again in the blink of an eye. I couldn't keep bouncing back and forth emotionally. There was no reason to sweat this. I was doing okay—at least better than I had been. That was more important to me right now than stroking his ego or anything else.

After all, recovery is just that. You don't automatically go back to the way you were. It takes time. It often changes who you are. We were both still trying to recover. People think the person suffering with substance control is the only one who needs to take time and regroup. Those closest to that person have their own recovery to go through. The things they fight aren't really that much different than the person who's fighting the need to use.

We weren't just fighting to recover from Shannon's lapse though, we were still mourning our son, which was rarely ever mentioned. Shannon had trouble talking about it. I think he was afraid if he did speak of it that would make it more real, and he couldn't handle that. I couldn't fault him. I was the one having bad dreams involving a crying baby. Maybe eventually we'll both be strong again.

Should I put some effort into this? Would it make it less daunting if I tried being accepting? Maybe this was something I needed to do. I showered, put something nice on and was ready to play the part of the good wife. I applied a bit of makeup, but for some reason I thought jewelry was a step too far. Being willing and making a minimal effort was as far as I could go, but at least it was a start.

'Vegetables with garlic sauce and an egg roll please.' I responded to Shannon's text.

'Chinese it is.' He quickly responded.

I smirked at the thought of him doing back flips thinking his Lance Romance skills were working, but only time would tell how far that would get him.

***

Shannon came through the door laden with Chinese takeout bags.

'Hey.' He greeted me cheerfully with a cautious smile.

'Hey.' I grabbed some of the bags from him and put them across from the roses on the kitchen island.

'I thought this would be a good idea since you don't seem to be eating much lately.'

'True.' I ventured a look at him directly.

'I see you got the flowers.'

'Yes. Thank you. They're lovely.' I concentrated on unbagging the food.

'Have I earned...er...can I have a hug?'

Shyness wasn't normal for him and made the situation more awkward. I found it endearing though. I nodded and he approached me. There was little fluidity in our approach to something as simple as a hug and our arms were suddenly uncoordinated.

'I've needed this for quite a while.' Shannon whispered in my ear as we nestled together.

'I have missed your hugs.' My voice was muffled against his chest.