Welcome to the world of hell (DSMP)

chapter 34 (dental)

so let's say that it has been a while and y/n somehow got revived.

while I was a ghost, the memories that I gained are now blurred. lucky has documented it all down already. but there was one memory that stuck out. I didn't need to read the book. it was,

'techno is dead.'

its been a few days. or months? no one has visited since I got revived. my eyes were dull. the hope that I always had was gone yet again. lucky was the only one to talk to me. I would never reply. I wouldn't eat either. when lucky wasn't here, probably visiting ranboo and shit, I would stay locked up in my room, looking out the window.

my eyes always got drawn into a small patch of pink flowers. tulips to be specific. my room became a mess. random energy cans, water bottles and potion bottles were scattered all over my, what used to be, neat room.

my skin got sickly pale. I was in a state of depression and incredibly thin due to not eating. its not healthy but I can't help myself anymore.

***

lucky said it has been about a month. Tommy, Philza and ghostbur would now come over and sit with me in silence. it seemed like they got our of the stage of depression and going into acceptance really quickly.

I was supposed to be the one comforting them. that's what techno wanted me to do. but it seems like I have failed. and now they are comforting me. I mean, I'm not coming. I have been keeping my feelings in. pretending that I'm fine.

(AHEM. Y/N, THAT MT JOB. I'm supposed to be the over worked, deppresed and can't vent bitch here. I'm supposed to be going through your state. not a fucking fictional character that I made. I hate myself for making y/n relate to me, feeling wise.)

they keep trying to encourage me to go outside. I'm not sure if I should listen to them anymore. maybe they were right though. I can't stay in this small room, in a hut, in the middle of the forest. plus, techno would want me to get over him and not always cry. he would want me to remember him but still be happy.

***

its been like five days. I've taken their advice. but I still deny that he is dead. they still try to convince me that he is dead. I keep going into our house. I would always call for his name and expect for him to greet me.

"techno! I'm home! where are you? I've missed you."
I would always scream in our empty home. the lights were always on, but it was always empty. it didn't feel the same without him.

I would stay curled up next to his bed, waiting for his non-existent body to come back and cradle me. I would grab his favourite book, 'the art of war', and put it on the window sill.

he would always read there. I would sit on the floor and listen to him read. his soothing voice is all I longed for. it's all I needed. it's all I loved.

I couldn't except that he was dead. I didn't want to. sometimes I would see him in the full body mirror that we had. he would stand behind me. hugging me from behind or just standing there, smiling. I would whip my head back to see him, but he was never there. it was just the wooden walls.

sometimes I would even hear his soft whispers while I slept in his bed. People would always say,
'if you love something, let it go'.
it's easier said then done.

I can't just forget about someone that I loved. he helped me get over wilbur's death and now no one would help me got over his. Well his family would, but they aren't the same. techno was just..different. who am I kidding. I say that everyone is 'different' to me.

"where is it? where is it?"
I asked myself as I rummaged through the house.
"here it is!"
I whisper yelled. I didn't want to yell. techno was still asleep.

(y/n has been seeing things. they pretend that he is there)

y/n stopped at a hatch on the floor under the carpet. they open the heavy hatch and jumped down. there they stood, in a middle of a room. that room was filled with empty armour stands and empty chests. why did they want to go here?

y/n made their way to the stone walls. they then start to caress the wall. y/n stopped in the middle of the east wall. their hand pushed against it and the wall opened. y/n walked through and saw a sword. a netherite sword with many enchantments.

"techno will be so happy once he sees that I found it. in good condition as well!"
they screamed with joy.

they then pick up the sword and dragged it into his room. apparently, he was sat up on the bed.

"techno! techno! look what I found! are you proud? are you happy?"
y/n stopped talking for a bit. like they were listening to something.

"why do I have this? Well it's to make you happy of course! you have been in a quite deppresed mood lately and I hate to see you like that. here, we can hang it on the wall."

not long after, the sword was hung on the wall. y/n started to lean their head on a figure that wasn't there. a figure that never existed. it was all their imagination.

"I love you, techno. I think your family has gone a bit insane. they keep saying you are dead. can you say I love you back?
...
thank you."

y/n started to fall asleep in 'the arms of the man they loved, technoblade.'

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I was crying because of this again. I didn't have any ideas for this as well. that was pretty cool how I got over 1000 words with no ideas but the word denial.

bye. love you all. remember to try to talk about your feelings and not bottle it in like me. trust me.