Welcome to the world of hell (DSMP)

chapter 41

The sound of rain woke me up. it patterned against the logs and planks that structured the house. I slowly got out of bed and walked over to a chest filled with items that I would need to find Tommy. I packed it all yesterday.

I sigh as I rechecked all the things I had in my bag. the bag contained, food, water, clothes, potions, bandages, ect. I finally swung the bag over my shoulders and made. my way to the door. I quickly wrote a note for lucky before I left.

well I was off. but where to start? I guess I didn't plan this out very well. I mean of course I didn't. it's literally sunrise. I was pretty annoyed that I was doing this but I needed to find him. with the fragments of determination that I had left, I went to the closest ocean and started my venture.

***

hours passed. it was sunset now. no sign of Tommy. I wanted to give up. I had nothing left. all my food and water was drank and eaten. the only thing I could do is go home and try again tomorrow. hopefully I find him soon.

***

once I got back home, I creaked open the front door and saw lucky stressing on the couch.
"lucky? are you okay?"
her head instantly shot up to me.
"y/n! you're back! I saw your note and I thought you died since you didn't come back in so long"
I was quickly pulled into a warm hug.

i patted her back to comfort her. it was the least I could do now.
"I still need to go out and find Tommy tomorrow."
she sighed.
"okay. make sure you don't over work yourself and get some sleep."
I nodded at her conserns and headed to bed. I would need to wake up early for tomorrow.

***

it continued to be like that for months. lucky would even wake up early just to see me and wish me good luck. my sleep was slowly degrading as I tried to plan more. I thought of every way I could. I did what lucky didn't want me to. I kept overworking myself.

when I couldn't sleep-which was most of the time-I would spend that time packing, so I wouldn't need to do it in the morning, planning and start to overthink. my room slowly became a mess again.

I even started changing my appearance. I cut my hair really short again. it was shorter then the time I cut it in the war against manburg a d pogtopia.

I did this all because I missed him. I miss his stupid voice and his chaotic ways. how he still lights up any party or anyone's mood. he hid all his emotions just to brighten up people. he would always let all his emotions out when we were together and in a private place. he didn't want to seem weak. but he's just a kid. a kid with trauma and impossibly high expectations for a 17 year old.

lately I've been thinking about Philza. he killed Wilbur because that was his last wish. technoblade died because of cancer. and now he lost his last son because of a monster. the one person that pretends that he owns the place and craves for more power. he left everyone behind. even the ones he loved. apparently he even blew up all his things because they were 'attachments'.

I remember dream telling me something. he said that he would gain power and share it with me. he said that he would get the attachments of others and lock it up. I only thought it was a joke. a pretty screwed up joke but he likes to do those jokes sometimes. but now I think that he might try and complete that.

***

I was writing paragraphs of what I would need and where I could go to find Tommy. everything that I could. the pinboard was filled with paper and more paper overlapping. it was another restless night. the bags under my eyes were sticking out of my mask again.

there was a knock on the door but I ignored it. there's no point to stop what I'm doing just to have a conversation. this is more important to me right now.

I heard my door creak open as I yawned.
"look. they won't stop working, dream. this is all because you exiled Tommy."
lucky whisper shouted at the man standing next to her. I snapped my head over to the man. I didn't want to see this green screen man.

I turned back to my work and slammed my head against the desk. the warm crimson, that ran through my body, started to leak from my head. it started to drench all the important work.

lucky rushed oner to my side while telling dream to get the bandages. she tried her esbest to keep me awake. there was no point. my eyes were already heavy due to lack of sleep and now this.

my body was slowly turning limp. I stare her right in they eyes and smile before my eyes shut and dream comes back, winded, with bandages.

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So after the five stages of grief, I don't know what I'm doing. I just go for it and try to make ant sence out of it. I've also stopped updating my other book since it's difficult to update two books when you have no idea what to do.

my brother is also trying to help me and wants to know what the story is about. I need to vaguely tell him because of that. it's really annoying since he does it everyday and I don't even get much sleep. usually I need to finish off the chapter in the morning.

Byeee. love you all so much and have an amazing rest of your day! and remember, don't be like me. it sucks. my mental health or sleep? hardly know her.