Rekindling Old Flames (BWWM)

CHAPTER 38

Later that night, I wake up to the feeling of something wet and soft on my forehead. I don't open my eyes because I know who it is. Beau is here for his nightly visit. I don't know how he gets in this late, but he's come to see me every single night even though I asked him to stay away. I won't lie; a part of me is happy he didn't listen, because I look forward to this nighttime ritual. I lay as still as possible, pretending to be asleep.

"How are you doing today, my love?" Beau whispers. "I'm here to visit like I promised I would. I hope you're doing better."

I want to answer, and say yes, I am doing better and tell him there's nothing to worry about, but I don't. His voice tells me how concerned he is, and I wish I could ease his worries, but I can't. He'll stop coming once I acknowledge his visits, and I don't want that. I need this time with him.

Tears sting the back of my eyes. Knowing these are the only moments I'll ever have with him makes my heart ache. I truly wish things could be different. I wish Beau and I could have a future together. I really do.

He stops speaking, and then I don't hear anything. I open my eyes once I believe the coast is clear. But Beau is still here, sleeping. I take a good look at him, and my heart breaks once I see what the stress of all of this has done to him. The loss of our baby, and myself, must be taking a toll on him. I wish I could do something to help. I know I could ease his pain by agreeing to be with him but being with him now would only cause us more pain later. His family will never accept me, and I don't want to hurt either of us more by deceiving him into believing we can overcome that.

I lift my hand to stroke his hair but pull it back at the last second. If I touch him, he'll wake up, and I don't want that, because then he'll leave. I want to spend some time with him before he does. I settle back into the pillows and stare at him, thinking about everything that could have been.

***

I bite my lip as I contemplate my situation. I'm getting discharged today, which is a good thing because being in the hospital the past month has driven me crazy, but unfortunately, I am far from happy. My mind hasn't been able to calm down since I woke up this morning. I pace the room as Tamara helps me arrange my things.

"What's wrong?" Tamara asks, noticing my tense behavior.

"Beau," I blurt out.

"Beau?" Tamara arches a brow.

"Yes, Beau. He didn't show up last night."

"I thought you asked him to stay away from you." She looks at me, confused.

"Yes, I did, but he didn't. He's come to see me every single night I've been here, except for last night, and I can't figure out why."

Tamara stops what she's doing and crosses her arms. "Let me get this straight. You asked Beau to stay away from you, and he didn't listen at first, but then last night he respected your wishes. And you're worried about why?"

"Yes, I'm worried something might have happened to him."

"Delilah, are you listening to yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"The one time Beau heeds your request, you're worried something might have happened to him? You sound like a woman who doesn't want her lover to stop being in love with her even though she won't be with him."

"No, this has nothing to do with that. Beau promised he would come every night, and then he doesn't show up on my last one here? Something must be wrong, Tamara."

"I don't think so. It's normal for people to not say goodbye, because they feel it's too hard. Maybe that's why Beau didn't come."

"I considered that, but it doesn't sound like Beau. He wouldn't pass up the chance to say goodbye to me. I just have a feeling that something is wrong."