𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓ᵃʳⁱᵃⁿᵃ ᵍʳᵃⁿᵈᵉ

twenty

   "baby?" ariana asked as she leaned against the doorframe of the home studio. y/n pulled off one ear of her headphones and turned her attention to her girlfriend.

   ariana pulled out a small box from behind her back, sending y/n a sad smile. y/n's stomach dropped at the sight of it, her shoulders drooping. "do you wanna try?" ariana whispered.

   y/n sighed and pulled of the headphones, standing up from the chair and approaching ariana. she grabbed her hand and kissed the side of her head.

   ariana took this as a yes and took them to the bedroom. y/n took a seat at the edge of the bed as ariana went into the bathroom, doing her business on the stick. she walked out a few minutes later and sat herself down on y/n's lap, wrapping her arms around her neck.

   they sat there in silence together until the timer on ariana's phone went off, startling her. she began to stand up but y/n stopped her. she pressed her lips to ariana's in a chaste kiss.

   "i love you no matter what it says, okay?" y/n spoke.

   ariana smiled softly and kissed y/n once more before climbing off her lap. y/n kept her hand on ariana's waist as they stopped into front of the sink, both of them staring down at the test. y/n nuzzled her nose into ariana's hair, her hands wrapping around and laying on her stomach.

   ariana let out a shaky breath as she picked up the test and flipped it over. the crack in her heart grew a little bigger at the single line on the test. she could feel it break in two as y/n immediately pulled her hands away, pushing her back against the wall behind them and letting out a rough sigh.

  ariana tossed the test in the trash and turned to y/n, her eyes heavy. "i'm sorry, y/n/n." she apologized quietly, hugging herself with her arms.

   it had been about another three months of them trying to get pregnant—and there was no luck in sight for them. ariana was feeling completely at fault. she didn't know if she could even get pregnant again at this point. she just didn't know that y/n was blaming herself for it too. she hadn't been to the clinic to check sperm count in a few years, so for all she knew, she was the sole reason that they were failing to get pregnant.

   y/n shook her head, pressing her fingers into her eyes. "don't apologize for this ever. it's not your fault at all, baby." she pushed herself off the wall and wrapped her arms around ariana.

   ariana whimpered into her girlfriend's chest as the tears in her eyes began to fall. she clutched onto y/n's shirt and she sobbed into her chest. y/n closed her eyes and rested her chin on the top of ariana's head, attempting to suck up the tears in her eyes so she didn't cry.

   she cupped the back of ariana's head and pressed a kiss to her hair. "maybe we should go in for a check-up?" she whispered softly as she ran her hands through ariana's hair.

ariana couldn't respond as she continued to cry. y/n gripped the back of ariana's thighs and picked her up, walking them back over to their bed. she laid down and placed ariana's head on her chest, rubbing her back.

   "why is this happening to us?" ariana cried weakly, nuzzling her nose into y/n's chest. y/n cupped ariana's cheek with her hand, rubbing her cheekbone with her thumb.

   "i don't know, love. but i'm gonna figure it out. i promise."

——

the couple stayed in bed the rest of the evening, talking about appointments they should make to get them both checked up. y/n had more concern for herself than for ariana, since her condition could make her count waver at anytime.