Asexual (gxg)

Chapter 43: Twins (prt2)

"I'm so sorry for leaving you..."

Carla stopped hitting her brother's chest and just cried into it. Cedric realized that it wasn't their parents' fault but it was him. He messed up his sister's life by leaving her and making her feel that she was all alone. Hindi niya 'yon matanggap on his part bilang isang kuya.

"You know, no matter how much you say sorry... it won't just change anything." Carla said with a trembling voice. Cedric knows that perfectly. But the thing is, Ced does not have any idea on how he'll fix it or do anything to lessen his sister's burden. He just can't.

Ced closed his eyes and he fell deep down into his mind. Digging those memories he buried a long ago as if he was trying to recover from the mess he made. Trying to understand what drives him into doing that and hurting his best friend, especially his sister that he loves the most.

I don't understand myself either...

Carla noticed his brother fell asleep on her shoulder. It was weird for her. Why would Cedric sleep on her shoulder?

Or rather something happened inside of his mind that made him unconscious...

Cedric was too heavy for her to carry him. She needed help. She tried to move a little bit but muntik na silang matumba. "G-Guys! Gosh, you're so heavy. Kuya!"

Hindi siya narinig nila Peyton, so she shouted again and this time, mabilis nang lumapit sa kanila si Nicolai at sumunod na 'yong dalawa. Nag-aalalang umalalay si Nicolai, kinuha niya si Cedric at marahan itong pinasan sa kanyang likuran.

"What happened to him?" It was Peyton.

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa ni Peyton at Samora with confused-looked in their eyes, wondering if Cedric was sick without them realizing. Well, it was given that Cedric was sick mentally but they're wondering if Ced caught a cold or anything that made him unconscious.

"I honestly don't know, we just talked. Like, heart-to-heart sibling talk! I don't know why he suddenly fell asleep on my shoulder."

Nicolai looked like he was gonna cry. Napansin ito ni Carla, "I swear, we just talked... I didn't do anything to him. We just talked about the past."

Nicolai just stayed silent. Thoughts are randomly crossing in his mind and in fact, he wasn't really listening to Carla. He was worried that Cedric might have been triggered. He's afraid of what will happen to Cedric when this guy—wakes up.

"I don't understand. Is he sick? He might be, we didn't just realize it sooner." Samora said. Hinawakan ni Samora ang noo ni Cedric and it was hot. "I knew it. That's a fever."

"What?" hinawakan ni Carla ang noo ng kuya at napagtanto niya nang may lagnat ito. Nakakapagtaka, hindi man lang nila nahalata?

"How come?" dagdag na tanong pa nito. Nag-aalala pang hinipo nito ang bandang leegan ni Cedric. "He's really hot."

Hanggang sa maka-akyat na lang sila sa itaas at makapasok sa kwarto ay nanatili pa ring tahimik si Nicolai, being unusual to his usual persona. "Labas na kayo, ako na bahala sa kanya."

Nicolai was too serious to talk to, so lumabas na lang ang tatlo at hindi na nagsalita pa. They're afraid that Nicolai might shout at them at any moment.

"He's scary pala kapag seryoso." sambit ni Samora. Natawa lang si Peyton at Carla. "Ano ba kasing ginawa mo sa kuya mo, Carla?" birong tanong ni Samora. "Umamin ka nga, binatukan mo ba?

Natawa lang si Carla at hinampas ito sa braso, "Silly, we just talked about our parents...and I blamed him." she suddenly changed her expression. "I just couldn't help but blame him. He left me, he did something bad for the both of you. He made you raped Samora," sabay tingin nito kay Peyton.

Nawala ang ngiti ng dalawa nang biglang i-open ni Carla ang tungkol sa nangyari sa kanila. "You don't just remember but I almost killed you..." napahawak ito sa noo at kusang tumulo ang mga luha nito. "I couldn't sleep at night before, knowing what I did and what my brother did for the both of you."

"Why do you have to say that so suddenly?" malungkot na tanong ni Samora. "Nagtatawanan lang tayo kanina, 'di ba?" dagdag na tanong nito. Hindi na hinintay pa ni Samora ang sasabihin ni Carla, mabilis na itong naglakad papalayo, pumasok sa kabilang silid at iniwan silang dalawa.

"I totally don't understand why you have to say those things but I hope that made you feel good. And if you are wondering, ayaw ko na talagang maalala 'yon." tumalikod si Peyton at maglalakad na sana palayo para puntahan si Samora nang biglang hawakan ni Carla ang braso nito.

Carla just realized what action she made. She was being careless. But, she was just saying those things because she cares. And those things were facts. Although, she can't deny the fact that she hurted their feelings.

Carla wanted to say sorry but she can't even utter a word. That was torture for her, "Why?"

Wala pa ring lumabas na salita sa bibig ni Carla so inalis na lang ni Peyton ang kamay nito sa braso niya at pumunta na lang kay Samora. Sa bilis ng pangyayari, hindi niya napigilan si Peyton at mapag-sorry man lang.

What are you doing? Puntahan mo sila and make up with them!

Gosh, stop being like that. Go and say sorry.

Tila nagkakaroon na ng identity crisis si Carla dahil kinakausap na nito ang sarili at nakikipagtalo pa. Kapatid ka nga ng kuya mo. 

Napa-iling siya, lumapit at kumatok siya sa pinto ng kwarto ni Cedric. "Can I come in?" tanong niya at hindi na hinintay pa ang sagot ni Nico, binuksan na niya ang pinto. "Is he okay now?"

Wala nang pang-itaas si Cedric at pinupunasan na ito ni Nico ng bimpo na basa. Hindi sumagot si Nico at nag-focus lang sa pagpupunas kay Cedric. Kanina pa sila binibigyan ng silent treatment ni Nico.

"Naririnig mo ba ako, Nico?" tanong ni Carla while pinipigilan ang sarili na 'wag mapikon dito. "Kanina ka pa ganyan, is he in bad condition? Like, hindi ba normal 'yong lagnat niya?"

Tumigil si Nico sa pagpupunas at umupo ito sa tabi ni Cedric. Nagtanggal siya ng eyeglasses at bumuntong hininga. "I'm not going to lie about this, Cedric was diagnosed with ASPD. He has been struggling to deal with you all but he said that he's trying. If you are aware of what happened 3 years ago then you might know the answer."

Carla was now—confused. Cedric did contact her 3 years ago, but all the letters, all the emails Ced sent, she never opened none of it. Of course, she was aware that his brother was alive pero hindi niya alam na he attempted suicide. Akala niya, lahat ng 'yon ay fake and palabas lang ng kuya niya. He was actually suffering.

"He might have been triggered especially when you opened up about your parents," para na itong naiiyak habang nagsasalita. "He actually killed his psychiatrist. I mean, he didn't mean to, it was an accident. He stabbed him using the pen of the doctor while he was having an episode. After that, ayaw na niya."

Na-speechless si Carla, though she never seeks mental health care but she knows there was something wrong with her.

"And personally, I think, he has schizophrenia." 

_____

A/N

DARLENTINA BACCLA

*my gay ass screaming rn