Better Choices (bwwm)

F O R T Y O N E

A L E X

Ivy still hasn't told me if she's arrived yet which is making my head and ass itch.

Sasha and I are at practice and he's clearly enjoying himself but me.. absolutely not. I'm in no way happy.

Sasha knows he's gonna play this Sunday but me, I know I'm gonna warm the bench again.

I absolutely fucking hate it. What's even worse is that my dad tried to pay the coach off. This man is fucking insane.

I've always hated my dad butting in my life because he always thinks money is the answer. He's tried to pay off teachers and students and it's sick.

It also just makes me feel like he doesn't believe I can do it. It makes me feel like he doesn't think I can get there on my own without a push.

Luckily enough he came to me before doing something stupid.

Honestly, I think I'm starting to give up on myself too. College football is so much different from the real thing. People in college party and they're weaker. It's easy to look good alongside people who do drugs constantly. It weakens them.

Now I'm trying to look good against men who have been doing this for years at a time and I look frail. I hate it.

"Run it again" The coach yells at me and I want to walk up to him and punch him in his face.

Coach Belichick, he's been doing this for 23 seasons and I absolutely cannot stand him.

I don't know if I'm just in the doghouse or if he isn't acknowledging me but I hate it.

I hate being a rookie.

While on our break Sasha is speaking to our captain but midway he stops and his whole face drops.

I notice and immediately stand up to follow him.

"Sasha" I speak up so he turns to me.

"Ki is going into labor, right now" Holy shit.

Before Ivy?

We've been expecting for the past three weeks but radio silence. 

"We need to go, you go now, I'll let coach know," I tell him and he nods before heading out.

Around 4 hours later we're all sitting around the hospital but instead, me and Ivy are outside.

She's sitting across from me staring me down.

"What?" I can't help but speak up, she's scaring me.

"You seem off, quiet"

"Oh, so when I'm not running off at the mouth I'm being weird? Maybe I'm just trying to process this" I'm being defensive if anything.

"Okay," She shrugs like she doesn't care. Does she not care?

"It's been a difficult week" I mumble after a couple of seconds of silence and I see her lips curl.

She slides over so she's sitting on my side and she gives me her undivided attention, egging me to go on.

"What if football isn't for me?" She just looks at me like I'm crazy, am I crazy? 

"I've wanted this since I could remember but it's not fun for me, I'm not enjoying it. I'm angry and stressed and I just feel s-" But she cuts me off.

"Is it not fun because you aren't getting what you want out of It?" She asks and I look at her purely confused.

"You aren't playing college football. You're on an NFL team. Not everything is gonna be handed to you on a silver platter because you have money and good stats from last season" She looks at me blankly.