Chapter 28: Dramaqueen

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It was another school day in Metropolis, and Zee was hosting audition for a play she was doing.

Garth: "Uh, avast scalawag. I'm, um, Swash Buckler, scourge of the Seven Seas."

Actor: "Avast scalawag... I'm swashbuckler scourge of the sev-"

Zee: Swash Buckler, not swashbuckler!

Actor: Oh... I don't get it.

Barry: So, yeah like, um... go ahead and avast, , 'cause I'm, like, Swash Buckler, the scourge of the Seven Seas and stuff, and...

Hal was up next, but he seemed to be posing.

Zee: [yells] Read the lines, Hal!

Hal: Oh, right, um... "Swash Buckler enters stage right. He stands upon the deck of the..."

Zee: [frustrated] Next! Ugh. This is a disaster, Karen. Swash Buckler of the Seven Seas could be the best play I've ever done!

Ben: Really?

Zee: Yes! The costumes are hand-sewn, soaked in salt water for the authenticity... the Impolite Minnow is the most ambitious set in Metropolis High history! And the finest most gifted actor ever to grace this stage will play Lady Catherine.

Karen: But I thought you were playing Lady Catherine!

Zee: Look, the point is, none of it matters if I can't find the right actor to play Swash Buckler! [sighs in exasperation]

Rook: I'm sure you will find someone soon.

Oliver: Greetings, company! [in accent] Stage role. Your leading man has arrived.

Zee: [softly] Oh, no.

Ben: Not him!

Oliver: The name is Oliver Queen. I've portrayed everyone from the Phantom to the streetcar. [pulls out a long sheet of paper] Lois Lane of the Daily Planetoid has called my performances "bold," "brash," and "bang on the beam," which I assume means good. So... do you want to go through with this charade of me auditioning or shall we proceed to dress rehearsal?

Karen: [whispers] I dunno Zee, Oliver seem pretty perfect.

Zee: Uh, I hate to admit it... I mean, really hate to admit it, but-

Mortimer: [in distance] "Avest, ye scalawags!"

Ben: What?

[crowd chattering]

Mortimer: [swings from rope and kicks Oliver in the face]

Oliver: [groans]

Mortimer: "I am Swash Buckler, scourge of the Seven Seas! Look not to this coward for salvation! With Swash Buckler at the helm, the horizon hold treasure to the last to your dying days! There's no chains to hold you now, men!"

[all cheering]

Mortimer: "Fill the sails with freedom's wind! And throw that bloated symbol of yesteryears to the sharks!"

All except Oliver: Yeah! [picks him up]

Oliver: Put me down! What are you doing? [scream]

Ben: Wow!

Mortimer: Ha-ha!

Zee: Who are you, stranger?

Mortimer: Who am I? Why, I'm your new Swash Buckler, m'lady!

Ben: Yeah! [to Zee] Looks like you got your Swash Buckler.

Zee: Yeah, I think we do!

Oliver: No he's not! Put me down! You're not seriously considering this hack, are you?

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