Under Control

Ch 12: Honesty Is Key

Amilia pov:

After a few more rounds and a long shower we were relaxing on the couch eating Chinese takeout. Azrael offered to let me stay as long as I liked, which I didn't mind.

Big house, great sex, and very loving dogs. I'd probably stay till tomorrow or until I get bored. Setting my food down, I lean back against the cushions, trying to get comfortable.

I could see her eyeing me as she watched TV, it only pissed me off because she wouldn't say what's on her mind. Pressing my foot into her side I get her attention.

"What do you want?" She looked down at her food, chuckling to herself.

"You're gonna laugh if I say." She snorted, setting her food down.

"So? Just say whatever it is, dickwad." I kicked her a little harder. She smiled and gave In.

"Fine. I was gonna ask if I could lay with you."  She bit her lip nervously. Her hands wrangled together.

"Hah, what a wimp. Sure." I motioned for her to lay with me.

She gave a bright smile and laid herself onto of me, her face burying in my neck. The weight of her body wasn't much but it felt very comforting. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders and my legs around her waist I secretly basked in the warmth.

"You're heavy." I pulled her hair lightly, making her grunt.

"You're comfortable." She laughed into my neck.

I shouldn't be this close with her. I never intended to get this close with her, but I liked it. I really hated that I liked it… that I liked her.

I like her…

It pissed me off that I liked her. I hadn't had a serious relationship before and I don't plan to. The closest I'd gotten was "friends with benefits" and even then that was too close.

I didn't like when men or women cuddled me, I didn't like being around them for extended periods. I didn't like having this opportunity for them to hurt me, to get attached when I would just leave again.

Hard to want a relationship when you're wanted by the police for killing your parents. I've done well on hiding and changing myself to not be caught but someone always manages to come after me eventually.

In all honesty I should have left when that hit man came after me. I should have booked it to another state or country. But I stayed, I'm being selfish.

I like the life I have now, I'm tired of moving, of running. I liked the money I made, I liked my house, I even liked her…

I know that if another comes after me, if it catches up to me I'll have to leave. So I'll just be selfish, I'll enjoy this as long as I can, I just want to be loved a little longer.

"You're thinking very loudly." She hummed against my neck, her hand tracing pattern on my side. 

"You don't know what you're talking about." I scratched the nape of her neck lightly. She's warm, smells good, and makes me feel cared for.

"Mm, guess not. If you wanna talk we can." She lifted her head to look at me, blue eyes so warm and open.

She's nice, much nicer than she needed to be or should be. I don't want to hurt her, I don't want her to fall in love and have me leave her.

"I can't date you… I can't be your girlfriend." She would get mad, she would throw me out and ignore me.

"Is it because you don't want to or because you won't allow yourself to?" She sat up but dragged me with her. Sitting back against the couch she pulled me into her lap and held me tightly.