REMIND HER HER REMINDER

INSANE

I wake up in the morning and i stare at my phone that has zero notifications.Read my prayer board to remind myself that God got me .My kitchens sink still has yesternights dishes and im tired at just looking at them.

My notebook filled with a whole shopping list.
Then i start budgeting over some money i still dont have.As a black ,its said that its not wise to budget for money that you still haven't gotten hold of it in you palms .

I read them and prioritize the essentials every day.im working on them i know ill have them but other than that .
I wanted to wake up and go to school.Deal with exams and maybe have that university peer pressure to get drunk and wasted and not attend class.
But i wake up and stay home till evening then i leave for work.

I dont love my workplace .But i know i got Gods grace to be there.
When i speak of grace i mean ;unmerited favor.
Like UNMERITED FAVOR.
Its all God .
Its been God all along.

I started working when i was seventeen.I remember id see the cops car outside the bar and I thought they came for me since im underaged.I literally had to fake an ID one year ahead of me ..yet I'm still called Toto cos I got stunted growth since grade six ....lmao

I was late for school . Naah im lying.
My mother didn't have enough money to take me to college or the university.
Yeah what about my dad??
My dad has this fake promises that wouldn't be pleasing to the ear and petty problems that make me wonder but thats life ,his life ,we all know how we get to deal with it individually.
Then umh "my love "got sick so i went to stay with her for sometime back home ,quite sometime.
Spend quite a good time with her chickens and goats and cows.Though the best part is her teaching me how to be this good wife.
And im really looking forward to impressing her on that position thats ahead of me .

I really love that woman,Janet.she can be a nuisance but at the end of it its okay well we all know how grandmas are.
Full of lectures and life tales and asking us to be cautious about literally every godamn thing.

I remember sometime back she asked me if i smoke weed and i said...... no of course.
you know what she told me ?
She asked me to not waste my money buying drugs, she knows a friend who sells ,so she can get me some for free.
Some legit connection bett!!!

What a kind offer but from the wrong person. I still said no .

And no im not an addict.

I just smoke some shit to let go of the pain in my chest thats burnt to ashes .
And bruv it eases me i swear but after that i want to stop smoking weed .i care for my lungs.if you smoke weed stop!!!care for your lungs too.

Capp thats a big capp right there.

I wouldn't want to stop but if you can ,then stop.Though I wouldn't advise you to ...weed is healthy....For me the only thing i can do is probably have a detox .
Thats healthy too right?

So yeah school passed now i just view streaks of my age mates at school and fuck it.
Them streaks fuck me up sometime ....especially the ones my mates are driving and still in school.i mean how!!!!!!
The only streaks i send is about work or my tasty looking foods that I cook when bored at home.
All thats going to be different soon ,then I'll streak luxur,good life and some pretty expensive air to breathe in and sigh!

I feel bad real bad for not joining school but its gone be aight.

I work as a bartender,barista somehow a waitress ughhh whatever you wanna call me.....I normally dont drink but i take some shots of jagermeister from few customers and of recent my colleagues been calling me a drunkard just because i still walk home sober after 7 shots of yagermeister.

But still id say no to excessive intake of alcohol.Im not trynna catch liver cirrhosis.i dont drink.I just dont drink.I'm no drunkard ...eeh I'm a baby girl makali na Mimi Zii .

I wouldnt say im not an alcoholic though Im not thaaaat alcoholic.

Its an international restaurant.And i swear that place needs a whole strong and focused mind because survival out there with good morals is bullshit.Its not survival for the fittest but survival for those souls that are basically stupid and know when to light up the dead brave part of their innerself when its needed at the right time.

I try to collect myself,the small pieces of myself thats fallen in the grave dark reflection of life
thats called adulting .To be the best for Janet cause thats what she wants from me . To be the best.

I hate how she feels burdened because i didn't get to join university.
And shed always say "don't worry ill take you to school.
But for now i dont think i want to join school no more .
So what do i want??