REMIND HER HER REMINDER

LIFE

Well I got to realize that I ain't got no one anymore ....it's been more of Bilal and Elias in my life .I've literally lost every fucking person I thought they would last.Every person I gave my trust .....
I'm now stuck alone w Alis pregnancy and everyday as it grows I remember how stupid in love I was .
I can't sleep at night cos I wish I had someone to cuddle so I spend most of the time in the internet just to pass time .
When it's around 6 in the morning I light a blunt and finally go to bed when there's a little light .
I'm current listening to broken vessels any hillsong cos I'm so broken and the only person I can turn to is Lord cos he's never deserted me .
Oh by the way I'll be going to Diani next week ...I'm taking this trip w unknown youths just To go have fun cos why not ....
I don't lost all my people
I'm just alone
Maybe the Lord is trynna open a greater door that needed me to be a loner for a while .
I wonder what wonders He'll do .

Ali
Ali Abed.
I remember you picking up w your Benz .How you smiled at me like I was the grand prize .How you handled me with care like I was the one you've been waiting for your whole life and Lord .....how do I tell him I still have his kid .
I remember us vibing as you played golf ...I remember you singing for me ...I still remember how hard I tried not to smile but I still did cos I was falling hard but what for ....
I was mad ,i was insane .....
It happened immediately after Cuggy and I didn't want anyone at that time but he stole my heart .Ali stole my hurt and stamped on it .....pissed at it and gave it back to me .
Saying he's got insecurities cos I hang out w my hommies most of the time ...HOW MANY F TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT FUCK W MY HOMMIES.We then had arguments now and then and I was always the problem....
It'd tear me ...i had to ask for a break cos I kept messing as per his say every night on the call ....
Then w time he'd ask me for money which was okay at first cos I'd send him money for his haircut and Shii ....but it got intense and I couldn't hold it.....cos I can barely manage my things at hand ...it's not like I earn that much to give out ....but I'm naturally a giver I hope I'll meet a giver too one day even if it's just for 6 months .....only 6 months ...though I hope my giver stays ...wait I already have a giver ....My giver is Jesus...it's always been Him ....I feel like crying anyway
I'm having cramps my belly been stretching and I've been so moody ...
I wish Julia was here ...
We started at a rough road remember......
Then she came back yeah
Then we went out like twice
Asked her to be my valentines
She said yes
Then we broke up before valentines.
Cos she was dumb .
She out here thinking I'm calling her a hoe .....Bitch you was just dumb .....
Way dumb that Maggie .

Dylan has been acting all like a priest and it turns me off cos he ain't doing it right ...he's literally a Pharisee ...I thought he gave me a green flag and butterflies turns out it was just moths and red flags inserted in a Christmas tree so I couldn't tell the difference.....

I've been going out a lot ...We had a sisterhood picnic with Ashley Malova ,Risper and Sally ......I just realized last night that some months ago I was looking at reels and TikTok's of girls having girly nights or baby showers especially baby showers and I used to wonder if I got pregnant who would do that shit for me cos I barely have friends anymore ...
Then they came in ...
Lord I'm grateful..

I also realized that my sneaky link has been a prayer ...I remember 10 years ago when we met....He was so cute and I had a small prayer cos I did feel like it wasn't the right time for us to meet and I didn't want to loose him...so I prayed that I would meet him later in life and I did and now he's a bit reformed.....

Then I realized that he surely suits to be my sneaky cos he gives me Icks all the time so definitely I won't fall in love ........
Though some days I look at him and Remember how obsessed I was with him some time back ...
I remember when I dated him I told all my friends before I realized he was trynna get in my friend which broke me ......

But here we are ..
Full of Icks
He calls me mama
Kisses my forehand
Brings me food which I tell you rarely happens
Brings me weed which I tell you oftens happens
And blablabla

I haven't told him I pregnant yet

Though we haven't locked in that much like ever since the year started .....

Just once .

Today I could have asked him to come over but I just want to stay in my feelings for the whole night.
Been in a week detox and I feel at some point I'm loosing my shits ....

And lemme tell you ....
Sometimes giving up sounds like an option until your mind gets conscious enough to remind you that you've gotta live and fight it all ...
Not for anyone
But for yourself.