REMIND HER HER REMINDER

YOU

At the end of the day its all about YOU.
YOU are your own author.....YOU decide on what YOU want and dont want to write...what to be on bold and quoted.

YOU are whoever YOU want to be...Just making a decision is all youve got to do.After creation man was given the will of choice .........Maybe head east ,maybe stop eating pancakes,maybe switch emotions ...but fuck all that....what do I know about YOU.

Been chatting with Chloe and i been going crazy over her these days.Im fearing attachments, love and shitt buh i be feeling like i want to risk one more time for her.
Though does she know what i feel and here i go overthinking again ....

There's a meme that read "she's an overthinker but can't think during an exam!"LMAO

you prolly thinking i should tell her how i feel ....mahn that sounds like a whole lotta work.
Did i mention i got to her lips and i froze. I didn't do shit ,i just went numb ...i just couldn't believe i was that close to her...Shes this perfect image of a black angel ....shes just a perfect black model i see and when she stares at me i feel like im burning with love —-genuine love—-
when my eyes lock with hers..oh God!

Im here hoping this year ends so fast so that i get to see her next year and hopefully this emotions will stay solid untill the next time we meet...Buh here's this odd character of me that naturally happens when i start liking someone and we talk often ...I always end up doing one thing and yes your head is clicking right ......"avoid them"buh with Chloe its a different chase...or a catch

The more i stay away, the more i try and somewhat detach ,the more I dream of her, though ,despite all ways,I try conceal my emotions ,the distance is what is killing me .
Though im here filled with patience listening to kehlani reminiscing them little moments we had together and wishing there was more to it.

Attachments ....
Do people ever learn from loving the wrong people?

I guess for me i keep making the wrong decisions hoping they get better and along the way i keep meeting better people that i say no to hoping the one im holding is the one for me .
But who knows what the future holds??
Though sometimes our wounded ego wont take whats called reality and willp definately want to fix the dreams to it.

Which is okay !
It's your book not mine ....mine has an irregular flow and that's cool...

Though mostly what we forget is we let things happen .YOU let things happen and currently i want to make the best or worst decisions for myself.Either i wanna risk or i wanna learn buh i dont want to regret,so im going to be cautious with me.
Okay lets take a joint before we start talking like we in a therapy session .
Gimme a minute i wanna smoke out wisdom then write down what feels right to be read ...

CHLOE YOU AMAZE ME!!!

I really like you like you ,it just hit my mind you were someone i dreamt to have in my life since we was kids. And when youd come to sit on my locker,i just felt like i had what the world couldn't offer me ..you were my happiness then and then came the letter you wrote saying you leaving Kenya, that broke my heart and that was it!!! buh now you are here and we both grown and, well ,can i make you mine ??

Those are the dormant me in my head ...several mes in my head tripping at 2AM in the morning...

WHY YOU GOT ME SO OBSESSED WITH YOU
IM HERE DYING TO GIVE YOU ATTENTION AND AFFECTION...

Okay okay okay ...thats too much emotions...
Well ........Making decision isnt easy ...actually adulting feels shitty ...adulthood is the worst hood i been into ....buh all in all we all want the best for us.

All i say is YOU shouldnt feel shitty about your choices and never say you dont have a choice....YOU do !
And YOU have to be that best person you've been dreaming to be....the best version of yourself...YOU should never give up on yourself....YOU have to make yourself your own secret admirer..Elias taught me that ;i need to love myself to understand love.And he had me healing when Cuggy would hurt me .
And trust me as light as that sentence means its pretty heavy.

YOU MATTER !

Everyday YOU MATTER.
Once you cling to that thought you'll make it past every shitt that breaks you cos at the end of the day YOU pick yourself up .
Therefore as me ,i want to be with Chloe maybe see if itll work out maybe long distance does fit us ,i wanna risk for love again...
And i wasnt pregnant anyway .....I was so relieved as hell !!!!!!y'all don't even know ... i want to glow and my locs to grow and be the best of myself and make it as a great writer before i die ....