REMIND HER HER REMINDER

DEPRESSED

You know how i know im depressed and fucked up?
When i get anxious ,when i get insomniac,when i get drained,when i cry myself to sleep,when i wanna get a blade and cut my wrists,when i look at my Bible and turn to the other side because the pain feels like its here to kill me and i cant even open my eyes to see light.
All i see is darkness and i hate being in such a position because i know im a broken art and i cant scream it out even when i get the chance to ,yet,the worst part is knowing that the devil has me captive to depression,that he has me captive to his evil boundaries.
"The devil has no powers over me in Jesus Name!!"
I'd ease myself to live.

I met Sammies friends last week and they look amazing .Harun is taller than the last time i saw him,Dan has all buffened up and he looks way different and Sammie immediately rang in my head .Maybe hed be taller ,maybe fatter ,maybe im overthinking.whyd i think of him and i walked home feeling shitty and i kept seeing him every where.Thinking of him every time .And i just keep looking at the piercing i had for him and i just wish id touch it and hed be next to me .........maybe id hug him so tight ,tell him how much im trynna put my head above water just for him ,so that he sees im not giving up on shitt like he taught me .or maybe ...Id scream my skin out seeing him standing next to me knowing deep down that he DEAD!Though id still want to see you ,not just one more time...but every time we can see each other.

The field of dandelions,
on every flower i get
i wish youd be here.

Wishing on every one of them that id find you and i did .I did find you in Elias but hes far and i break down every day and although hes there for me online i always...........i want a hug ,I WANT HUGS ...LONG HUGS SO THAT I CRY IT ALL OUT CAUSE I CANT SPEAK OF IT THAT AILS ME,i want a three hour hug ,i want to cry on his shoulder ,i want him to pat me like his favorite pet that just wants affection and make me feel safe cos i feel secure talking to him and hes .......and im breaking down at the moment.

Ive been going for long night walks .i look at the stars and take deep breathes of pain and the world feels like its ending on my side and i dont even know who to call .

Cuggy ,You asking about Cuggy!?
He called me a bitch because of a picture i took wearing a bra and a biker short yeah I know some minutes ago I was talking of how I love that wants to be with me oh crapp!!!!!.And im having alot weighing on me and arguing feels like it'll take off my energy so we ain't talking at the moment and you know what i want ??
I just want to keep listening to my depressing list of shitt because the whole of this month has been crazy for me and i feel like adulting is a life threat because my emotions are cautiously attended to with the weak state of me breathing ,thinking that im living.its like adulting is signing a death threat to yourself.Life keeps threatening your every growth after mending the previous one.

REMIND HER HER REMINDER!!
But whats that she keeps forgetting.She doesn't even remember the reminder anymore.She doesn't see the part of perfection or positivity.
I try ,she tries we both try to fight these demons in her mind and all she always did before is win .
But today this is me ..........i am she .....and fuck them demons get them pregnant and let them raise better demons cos.....whats winning ......im tired of having the medal ....im tired of getting the crown of depression......i dont want to sit on the throne of darkness and sadness....im letting these demons tear me to pieces....skin apart ..... bleeding black