REMIND HER HER REMINDER

A LONELY FIGHTER

I've got a lot to fight .

I can barely hold the battles in my head ....in my wired realm ....A realm that I drown in where no one can save me ..
I wander ,lost and broken yet fearless and strong .
But this time it's different .
We are in jail....
All my emotions are held at custody....
All to face Judjements on certain days ....
And to others I am not the victim anymore....
But I was once a victim....
Now my emotions are held in a cage ....and the key to depression is the closest to open ......
But it opens with many more draining emotions that kill me slowly .....
Then by then ........
I have let all of them free....
Now im held hostage again ....
With no where to run ...

What's the point of living anyway ??
I freak out every time I loose my battles ...
Then I loose .
And now I'm a looser
I suck at living
I'm a sucker for this shit

I want to be karma
I hate being Lara
I want to risk it all
But who's watching eh
Who's to please

I'm struggling to keep myself intact for what if I'm meant to be broken since I'm fragile
I must be a fool
You must think im a fool
Oh what a fool

Fuck being sad anyway
Who needs happiness
Who needs love
Who needs attention
Who need someone to care for them for they care for them .
Why dont you care about how i feel
Why is the world so cruel
Oh you think im broken by a lover
Hell no
I dont give no damn to love at all
I stroll alone
Yet i sob still
But there are days i won
Alone i rode

Im sad cos depression is calling me to give him room.
If i told you what triggered my emotions today you wouldnt understand the pressure its givin me.
It would probably sound calm ....or youd actually think im overthinking..
Well i am ....
But it tore me down.
It always tears me down..
I still get up..
Cos i have no other choice..
But i yarn to be free.........

I am free ....
Yet im held hostage...
Im in prison
Yet ive locked others in prison....
Im a warrior
Yet im also a worrier
Im an art
Also i am love
And for i am love
I am God own child
For He is love .

That felt relieving......

I called Nina to see if i could pull up at her crib tonight...Cause i couldnt ...i just couldnt i needed someone to talk to and Elias has been offline the whole of this month cos hes fasting...and bilal wasnt online ..:and i cant call on any nigga cos they take my vulnerability and manipulate me later....i was freaking out........and my night kept getting worser little by little....
I didnt want to live anymore .....
Theen i walked outside and saw a man...lying on the floor on small laid out boxes as his bed ...
And i realised we all have problems...some that feel like priviledges are a problem to others ....and it made me hold myself together...
We all have battles to fight.....we all know how deep our problems ache us ....how its arched in the deeo roots of thoughts of pain and death....
No one would understand the pressure you feel ....i wouldnt ....i wouldnt even want to have that heaviness weighed inside of me........its tough living
Again
Whats the point of living??
I came to realise that i take life so serious .....and its so sad tooo............i realised im even selfish .....the world has alot to bear .....but i still blame it for every shitty day i have to experience in it....What of the happy days....i barely even have the thought of mother nature looking after me...or oh what a great world i live in......the world can eat and swallow you .....it can break you to small pieces ....the world can crush you and demolish you beyond recognition...
And its pretty scary.......

I hate being in this world ...but i love that im not of this world.

I shall throw the keys to feelings that are embedded to make me strain ......
I shall win big
I shall be at peace
Peace w myself .........

I didnt tell you how ive been loving myself and its been actually amazing......Sometimes you just need to appoint yourself to love yourself....

Ive made a great progress spiritually and physically....You would look at me and see me glow....cos the grace of God shines upon me.....

And ive never been happier....Though i hurt how the world treats me ....then i remember......if the world loves you then you arent amongst God chosen people.
So i shall eventually ease ......after freaking out ofcourse!

And this is my early 20s
I pray the Lord takes charge over my life completely that i shall not be in the sack of random humans who have to idea of whats to live for but strain to impress what the world is made for...Forgetting what they are made of.