REMIND HER HER REMINDER

BLIND

The future ahead that i wait ,is so damn bright!
Im talking good positivity huh?well bro im not here for a talk that your therapist would give you ,about eh bright sides ,butterflies,daises and dandelions ,a world of rainbows and FUCK ALL THAT SHITT
im not doing that.
HELL NAW!

When its dark youve got to figure out a source of light so that you can see where you finna walk folk!!!!
Theres no bright side!
there never was!
And yes ,they lied to you!

Its either you can see or you blind.
Theres no partial blindness in life.
You EITHER make a decision ,you EITHER have your choice and i guess its better to have a will than sit your fucking ass saying shit gon work cause it wont.Saying Shitt gon be aight cause it wont my love.

Youve got to make a move.

I done made some moves....., i close my eyes for a word of prayer , i read the word I meditate on the word of God , i praise and worship heartly......... nooo dont even think about me fasting ,my appetite doesnt allow me.

What an excuse!!
Huh!
Not that i eat alot nooo!!thats not it.
Okay lets digest this slowly.Work shift ends around 2:00 in the morning,i get home watch an animation as i take some cereals ,i then go to bed around 4 in the morning .If i cant find sleep since im in the insomniac club i tend to read or write, mostly read ;when high ofcourse.

I have this boring novel about love.Who wants to read love and not experience it?? So i read it to put me to sleep because YESS IM SO HIGH AT THAT TIME AND FUCK GOOD LOVE STORIES CAUSE THAT SHITT DON EXIST NO MORE!
YALL JUST HEARTLESS SEEKING REVENGE ON PEOPLE WITH PURE INTENTIONS INSTEAD OF HEALING....

Y'all frauds for love ....

I wake up around 12 at noon  .I HATE the light.i just hate DAYTIMES .Theres alot of noise and the worst part of is PEOPLE.
I dont like being around people.
So i be like "well because im lazy to go out lets fast today ".Like no !!!hapana !!!!thats not how i want to do my fast .

I want to plan it .what am i fasting for ,what sermons should i listen to ,what scriptures i should read and meditate on ,,,,,,
you feel me ??

So yeah .

Though my biggest move is maintaining myself the past few months.

Im suicidal as hell .....im literally dead in the inside,an emo and somewhat a lost dark soul thats surviving instead of living life.When trauma hits my mind ,it goes unconscious and i cant help it but let it win me.

This days i try and manage myself ,a bit .Im not anxious that much .I ease myself with the word of God.Crazy,i know right!!

Yall say that music mends a broken heart and lightens a dark soul,well okay!,yes it sure does ,but i got to a point that it felt like noise and i started to hate music.
My eardrums started hurting so i stopped listening to sad /depressed songs.
It gave me headaches too and sometimes it felt like this people can't even relate to what im feeling because it overwhelmed me .i felt like my portion was a bit extra and if i was to write it they'd be amazed
Amazed in tears filled to the top a pittiful fragile heart and death thoughts about me.Or maybe its because I'd listen to them songs full volume.

When flashbacks stub my head ,id just get to cut my wrists .

I cut my wrists ,yes, saad...dumb.......stupid!!!!!
it makes my pain get concentrated to some where else other than my mind and heart ...
Cos the heaviness that's comes with it is crazy ....

I hate sharing what i feel,i hate pitty , and i hate being the girl with sad tales ,so my therapist would have a big problem dealing with me .
Its either i tell lies and cover up what i feel or i shut the fuck up!!!
But only two people make me open up
Bilal Omar ,my childhood bestie And Elias Omali,my perfect stranger.
Yes Omali and Omari .
These are my heart entirely...

I have puzzles in my tiny palm.I want to fix this and make that and own that and invest this and its driving me crazy.

But,

Future....im coming for you .The bright light i see wont blind me .

But again,whats the fuss??

You know I sometimes wonder why we have to struggle all this much to get what we desire.
How did God program all this? I know his system is made perfect with faith but sometimes its too much ama what do you think??

Just think of it. but when you get there so fast your downfall comes easy and unpredicted. Well id rather fight the battle all together and have the needed strength and wisdom come in the future.

And this makes me admire how God works.All He wants is us to believe in Him Blindly.