REMIND HER HER REMINDER

NEW BEGINNINGS

I sometimes wonder if some people do some things intentionally.Ive been praying for this relationship to work out ,we've even done Bible studies , we've gone to church together,weve tried going on a real date huh!!!!!I've met your family,we started a family with java and what for ??

Breaking up with you doesn't feel like an end ,it's just the beginning.The beginning of me finding someone who appreciates me cause apparently I was an open book buh guess who was illiterate.

When I had you at first ,it felt amazing ,you know why ??I had lost Sammie then and Dylan broke my heart  that same period .When you walked in Cuggy ,I thought you was here to save me .Cuggy you've drowned me ,you've made me feel stupid ,you've made me hate myself,you've made me cry ,you've made me be who I was when you found me .An emo......

I got back to cutting my wrists ,I got back to my sad playlist ,I got back to staying up all night,I got back to smoking even more weed buh this time it was different.It killed me for a short period, thinking of how stupid I was trying to save you.Trying to make you see the world different,giving you love that I wish I had received,treated you better than my own best friend but for what huh???

See even when I found someone who treated me better than you ,I kept praying you would one day .it'll be you ...maybe one day you'll understand that sex is sacred ,Even when I went through your phone and saw you've been sexting with them bitches on telegram and Instagram and Snapchat and WhatsApp and your stupid dating apps I didn't say a word.... I kept praying,Even when you was asking my ex friend for her to let you smash mahn mahn you was asking Mercy a bitch my bro Eric was fucking damn .telling her you the one that broke up w me !!!!!!!with a dumb ass reason saying that im full of drama!"Nigga Ive never pulled out drama on you like I know I can ....I just felt stupid for a moment and acted okay because I had realised that you won't change.Funny when you and the Snapchat girl (favour)would plan on nights that she'd come over to MY PLACE when my night shifts end late so yall can fuck..........and now again you want to host another hoe in my crib .....nts ............tsk .....msm .....

But that's that and I'm over it .I'm glad it happened ,I know how much God strained pulling me away from you buh I kept holding on...I kept arguing with God that you are my man and I don't need any other man in my life,that breaking up with you will tear me apart because we had lasted six years.I wanted to tell our kids of our love story but not anymore.Its ending here....I don't want you no more....

I should have just accepted you for the streets .I should have let go the moment you fucked up with Njeri .I remember when you decided to cling on me and break up with Njeri...... I kept wishing I was her.i kept wishing you broke up with me because you had broken me enough and I could barely hold myself together.I had to pray once again that I learn to love you more than the pain you've caused in my life and I did ...........and I kept doing that for a while until I detached Myself from you  after Marian happened and by the time favour happened I was so done with us .

Letting you go was the hardest thing I did that's closest to loving you more ...I'd just cover up the pain I feel ...the pain you caused me with love .......And when I did get you out my life ..,I met Montet and he is this nice dude ,now I was certain that more was installed for me after the break up .He was amazing ,he treated me right ,he was understanding and made me feel loved.He kept reminding me that I'm pretty,He would hold me like I'm his world ,he would call every night and before he went to work...... and he would tell me great things that a man filled with wisdom would talk of.

Buh he wasn't for me .He kept telling me he fears that I'll one day just disappear from his life .And he wasnt wrong ,I kept praying about him but my mind was uncertain of me and him.He still holds on ,hoping that one day he will hold my waiste and kiss my lips then lay me on his bed Prolly.

And the period I let Montet in my life,my pain was eased.I remember him telling me that I drunk like I was in arduous pain.And he wasn't wrong,when I was with him he made see that I was with the wrong man the whole time.I kept wishing my Cuggy was like him someday .Though the most offbeat shii is that Montet felt more like Victor Mwangi .It would give me butterflies and moths and all that led me to calling Victor within an ephemeral period .

This time Victor was kind and he made me miss how he usually is .And I could clearly tell , actually we could clearly tell that we crave each other.This time we both understood that we can't be together but can be good not together.None wants to hurt the other and that felt like true love .

Then I got me a sneaky link who apparently is my ex.And we vibed alot ,we fucked at his rooftop alot of times but he was annoying.He was a mama's boy......I don't mind a mama's boy ,the things is, I'd get horny and he hits me with my mama won't let me out at this time.I mean we just sneaky links its not like I want to be around you the whole day,I just want some dick and leave.Apart from all that ,it just felt unsatisfying having him.Yes he's handsome actually hes one good looking of a lighskinned man .I just don't like lightskinned men ,they turn me off and I be saying all lightskinned men are gay ...I was surprised he could dig me good.so hes the perfect sneaky cos he got limits ....

With time , Jack came back in my life.Hes been this character that is always there when I need somebody.And wed take them night walks after buying snacks then kiss me goodnight at my gate .He once played a guitar for me .I usually feel bad w the fact that I know I'll never be with him even though hes so good at being mine.He just had that position in my life .To hold me when I'm down .i guess!