REMIND HER HER REMINDER

LETTER

Dear Sammie,

When you left,that same week,remember the twins you introduced me to ?
They asked me to visit them since ive been avoiding them after you died .Getting there they had other intentions with me .The twins and that same old friend they hang out with.

I was locked in a room and they kept coming in different intervals like they had a bet on who would fuck me.When they realised im too hard on them ,they joined forces and walked in together.They had grins on their faces .
I was strongly held on the bed that I couldn't move.i cried ,i was breathing heavily,i struggled fighting them. i hate how i still remember them laughing as they assaulted me .Funny how they waited till you were gone so that they'd approach me .

It reminded me when i was six years .We had this house boy at my grandmothers place who would pick me up after school.Hed ask me to stay in his small house as he went for the cattles and if Janet ,my love ,was late from the chama ,church meetings or town, he'd rope me up and finger me so hard.It was so painful ;his hands were rough and dirty .i cried but all the loud screams i tried making was inaudible.Hed place a heavy cloth on my mouth that id bite as tears rolled down my cheeks but he didn't give a damn .
Hed do whatever he wanted with me untill he got satisfied.

I never had the confidence to tell My love Janet all that was happening untill i was twelve.That period when a girl is officially introduced to knowing about periods and lots of shitt about sex and pregnancy.She cried to me asking me why I didn't tell her when i was being molested,when he was around ,when shed file a case but I didn't have an answer to all that .I just couldn't.i tried bringing the conversation but it ended on a different road and im not good at starting conversation after its wiped away.Furthermore,he was hardworking and speaking of being molested would sound odd and hard to believe,i didn't even know what terms to use on him playing with my private parts mann.I didnt know .i tried though.

Around form two when i was fourteen,I went to visit Chloe(Najmas primary bestfriend)well I didn't know she had left for Austria....so I met this guy Mzee (her cousin) who had once asked me to go to his place with my girlfriend.I had no girlfriend then.I used to lie im gay to avoid being rizzed by boys.i was to go to his place with Cynthia Jacky who was my back up girlfriend plan ,but she got caught up on that day doing dishes!what a lame excuse!

And I was there , Chloe wasn't there Just me and him ...and he was always gentle on me until on that day then he unleashed his demon of lust ,he let it possess him .And he was not himself id say!

And there again ,he held my neck under his bed and my body lay helpless on his mattress,my phone under his bed ringing,"mum calling"

You probably wondering how my phone got
there.....When he started acting suspicious i sent a live location to Bilal ,my childhood bestie to come pick me up which he didn't !!! plonker!!!!
so when Mzee noticed all i was doing, he became so mad and he got violent and i hate how I remember it.Ive never been that scared of someone i knew that much ..He had this polite look and his voice was like whispers ...I swear I don't know what got to him like that......
What killed me was how he'd act like nothing happened after I managed getting out since his friends came over unannounced.
I should have filed a case but i rushed home.
I was late and y'all know african black moms.
And later on we'd meet on the road and hed bring his broaded chest on my flat one welcoming a hug like im stupid....like he didn't know what he got me going through....mahn I spent my whole highschool saying he was just possessed he didn't tryna rape me!!!!..it always felt like hes blinding a memory and it killed me every time I saw him....I felt like id stub him .

Then i met with my ex Kamau ,early this year who told me that he really wants to meet with me and make things up .So yes I invited him over to my place .Day one ,all was fantastic but he looked disturbed,a bit disturbed.Then he asked for a movie night ,so yes i was like okay last time i felt safe with him so the "why not ?" Hit me and i asked him to pull over my crib

The movie ended and so had the popcorns.He was zephyr like on me but his words were strident.He said to me that i can deny him pussy as much as I want but what i should know is that he broke my virginity first.
It kept me confounded................................................

when and how

???
and thats when i realised that at some point you cover up all the pain and trauma and you happen to forget them but they'll haunt you whenever or even forever .

And I remembered that day when he kept begging me to let him in and i was unethusiastic, so he held my hands on top of my head and forcefully though calmy inserted his dick inside my vagina .Anger rose in me with undefined strength and i knocked him over so hard and got out.Prolly you wondering how i got naked.let's finish up with the Kamaus story first.
So......

All I remember is showering when i got home and i saw blood stains on my panty. It then hit me I just cleared evidence, so i chose to let go and told no one about it .Though when we met on the movie night after i had told him he doesn't love me but hes has lust for me he walked out peacefully and wrote me a paragraph of apology for assaulting me.i burst in tears knowing i was broken my virginity unwillingly.

How i cherished it .

Youd say i never learn ,but id say never trust .All rape cases happen accidentally and molested girls happen to trust the wrong people.
Intentions are words that aren't spoken and feelings that cant be read.
Be careful.
And thats my sex life i really would want to share w you.
Yours forever,
Moon.