REMIND HER HER REMINDER

WORKING OUT

I know i have the worst love tale but i love a man that stays.

Ive met good looking men ,guys good at playing guitars ...stammerers..... ,yes i know i have a wierd taste for men...........i go for the least odd manners on some days , a left handed nigga,them tall blacks that play basketball...Lord damn...guys who just want to spend time with me ...have them short walks,small picnics and dates.... maybe some Bible study......,but sometimes all "them least odds" don't count.
At the end of the day i appreciate the fact that i can tell that on rough days ,my man fears i might let go  and knows how to play with his ego and let it go and hold on me .Cos baby is either your ego or me!!!!!!!Well he stayed .....and his name is Cuggy.

The last fight we had made me realise im not in this love nest alone and now i want to delete all my past and fix everything just to be with you Cuggy.

I always say that for me ,its the little things that matter and you might never tell when i love them little things but i swear Cuggy you offer me the little things in many ways and it brings me to happiness and total satisfaction.

My life has pretty little chapters its a whole book but youve always been coming through them shitty pages that you as a reader would highlight.He ain't for me ....yeah that's right ....buh who is???

I looked at myself in the mirror and it reminded me when i was little i used to do the same thing.

Id stare at myself in the mirror ,act some lines from my head or sing or dance and i used to feel like im going to be this superstar you know.Well today i looked at myself in the mirror and i asked myself a question
             when was i to make it!!!

Im straining being the best of my broken version and sometimes it works ,but sometimes ,it doesn't ,but you know when i fail its when you leave.When you leave the spark in between dies .Thats when i realise my lifes all a lie and I might not even make it past an eye blink..........I dont suffocate ah ah!!! I just die ....I literally stop breathing.....i just stop living.I tell myself that because I want to fix and fit you in a special spot inside my broken heart so that I can erase all the dumb shits you had going on .

All I ever wanted was someone obsessed with me ...like naturally....I'm hurting too much I need ALOOOOOOT of love and affection....Not lies to clean imperfections.

I just want to be the greatest of time before i end up aged not to enjoy a penny ive been dying to have.Though sometimes i feel that before my wattpad books start paying id be so old that my kids will be partying with the money I would have gone to Zurich with and have much  fun  with ........ofcourse...I really want to go places and live the moment ,take plenty of pictures and have happy memories of it.....And every day I keep praying I'll find someone that we'll run it all up together and say baby we made it .....
Though,The fame of art ive been craving to own has a long road .I keep praying that i meet my destiny holders as soon as possible to cut my way through.Some fine ass connection to my dream you feel me??

But though with all this shitty life that gets me depressed ,youve rolled with me on the highs and lows Cuggy.And this time you showed me that even on the lows your love for me aint low.I hope im reading the right "in between lines "Cuggy!

I remember praying to God for "this type of person " and when i met you ,i knew that you just wasnt it .Yeah!,you prolly thought he the one !Naah....i knew he wasnt ,i knew you wasnt and i wanted nothing to do with you NADA!!!!!!!
.But you know what God showed me ?

that He'll make you the best for me and i dont just want to believe its true ,okay yes i might want to have that positive belief but all through it i also want .....hmmmhhh......i want it to feel real and i want to be relaxed and be sure we taking this ride or die road together.
But is that the same on your side??

And about Fajie ,shes the best and the most lovable person .i wonder how our first argument with her is finna be ,im actually scared of it happening. She's so kind and i love her vibe thats on and off with no pressure and how she can fight through her battles it amazes me .

I promised myself to work on myself and make her feel so special and loved because when she loved me I was into someone else and she never stopped loving me even when she was hurting that I gave her less Attention
So im not here to hurt her.
I understand you feel like she's winning me more than you Cuggy but i love you more than i love her.

We have built this relationship.We didn't just wake up to it  .Ive seen the teenage you and now im seeing the adult you finding ways to make you a better man .You are unfolding.....
Im here waiting when youll get to propose to me and stop talking of wifing me without a ring but show up and act up like you posed to or else someone takes that position.