When i end up on this page i realise no ones there to ask me how my day was especially when Elias is asleep.
It usually hits me on the days i had the worst of it and i take a deep sigh and prefer writing my emotions out since im all alone .
Ive been holding tears and faith and i just cant manage them both.
Im holding fears and pain and it's draining me so bad.
This are the days i end up texting people we don't even talk,
"Hey how are you"
Just for them to ask me how am i!
The days i tend to ask what i feel to be sure if im the one sinking on the ship of shitt alone.
The same days no one replies my messages on time and i just feel like giving up on life .
Im loaded with alot right now.
I had a fight at work!
And my boss was looking right at me.
I ended up fighting with a girl he fucks and damn that wasnt a good scene .
Getting home i really waited on Cuggy to ask me how work was.He didn't.
Fajie on the other hand is dead asleep.
Bilal bett hes in his fifth dream and Elias aint even online.
Thought of texting Victor .
Victor Mwangi!
Yes we met .i forgot to tell......
His locs look good.
Hella good!!!
Yes we met
.......and i hugged him
..........so tight ......I didn't want to let go!
Could he tell??
I tried holding my feelings deep to myself cos everytime im with him they shallow up and its all written on my face that i miss him holding me .
Im being asked to move on and let go.im being taught on insecure attachment styles .im trying so hard not to call or text him often .But does first love ever die?
He just asked me to stop blowing his phone like he my mann !!As much as i avoid all this,i hate seeing Jason ,his younger brother,hurting when Victor and I are not in good terms.ive always loved him as my own little brother and I honestly love how he confides in me .i really love him.
Well i ended up texting Nugent.he's among the avoidant attachment people so i dont really relly on his replies buh for the first time he asked how my day was and it really felt warming and it actually calmed me .Though telling him i had a rough night at work or im going through shitt....that's something he'd advice me to drink the hell out my problems or just act grown and i don't know ...id just cooperate then break down later because i just told him how i truly felt and hes acting casual and then id wish I never texted him and feel bad for texting....it feels like I just committed a huge crime and told myself to the police .
But i have no shoulder to cry on.....and the bitterness in me is switching up my anxiety and depression and im here hoping to survive for just half an hour not overthinking or crying or having a negative thought.
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RandomI am just trying to figure shit out here.i would love to let you know what you are to read but you are already reading it.Well if it feels like a good tale go for it Im sure you'll love every bit of it And if not ,you don't have to . The world has...
