Journey- A Chicago Med Fanifc Sequel!

Chapter 45

"Connor?" I ask him. "Say something." 

He has been silent for a few minutes now, and I don't know if I've gone too far or not. 

"Sorry," he says, finally. "I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to say." 

"You could say that you understand. That you're feeling the same way," I suggest. 

"But I'm not," he tells me. "In fact, I didn't even know that you were feeling this way. I don't even know what you're telling me. "

"What do you mean?" I ask him. I don't understand what he's trying to say. 

"Do you not want to do this?" he asks me, his voice getting louder. "Is that it? Do you want this to stop before it's even started." 

"If you mean break up then no!" I exclaim. "Why would I want that? I told you that I wanted us to happen. I meant it then and I mean it now." 

"It seems to me like that's what you're telling me," he says, sighing. "That because of too much history between us, we can't start over again." 

"No, it's not like that," I tell him, desperately. "Are you annoyed? Don't be mad at me."

I don't know what asking him that will achieve, but I do anyway. 

"No, I'm not mad," Connor tells me, sighing. "I'm not. I'm just confused, okay? I don't know what you're saying."    

"Neither do I," I tell him, softly. "That's why I told you to forget that I had even said anything. I take it back. If you don't see any issues with us, then there must not be any issues." 

"Well, it's not as simple as that," he says. "You clearly see something wrong, and that's okay. Just tell me what I can do to fix it." 

"I don't think it's fixable," I say. "It's not a simple solution like that. I've tried already." 

He sighs. "Okay," he says. "That's...complicated. So, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," I tell him, feeling tears almost well up in my eyes. Why does this feel like the end of something? 

"This feels like you're ending this," Connor tells me. "It feels like a break-up." 

"I don't want to break up!" I tell him. "I really don't. It's not about that. It's just..."

"Just what?" he echoes. "You essentially just told me that we weren't going to work out because we've already dated in the past." 

"It's not just because of that," I explain. "It's because of everything. People, the almost-proposal, just our history. We have such a complicated history." 

"I know that," he tells me. "I get that, but look, that doesn't mean that you should feel like there's a...barrier between us." 

"Maybe it's just me, then," I say, my voice wavering. 

"Maybe it is," Connor sighs. "In that case, I can't help you there. Only you can figure that out." 

"I guess you're right," I whisper, feeling like I can't stand anymore. 

"And good luck with that, honestly," he says. "I'll be right here waiting for you once you do." 

"So this is a...?" I ask, hardly able to say it. 

Connor doesn't respond. He just nods. We don't have to say anything more. We both know what just happened.