Journey- A Chicago Med Fanifc Sequel!

Chapter 86

I wake up early, before my alarm even goes off. There's no point going back to sleep, so I get up. I have to mend things with Connor, that's the most important thing right now. I really need to do that. 

As I walk into the kitchen, I see him still sleeping on the couch. He looks so peaceful, as if he could never be angry, at me or anyone. I know that's not the case. 

I start to make a coffee, exactly as he likes it. That's the first step to earning his forgiveness. 

Once I've made the coffee, I walk over to Connor, and lightly tap his shoulder. He usually wakes up easily, and this time is no different. It takes him a minute, but soon enough, he's awake.

"What are you doing?" he asks me, still with an underlying tone of hostility. So he's still mad at me. Good to know.

"Take this coffee," I tell him, smiling. "For the hangover. I made it just how you like it." 

"Thanks," he says, taking it from me. He doesn't look too grateful to receive it. 

I sit down next to him, sighing. "You didn't have to sleep on the couch," I tell him. "I never wanted you to think that you had to do that." 

"I know," he says, flatly. "But I thought it would be better. For now, anyway." His eyes don't meet mine. 

"Are we going to talk about it?" I ask him, quietly. I don't really know what else to say. There's so much tension here. 

"I don't know," Connor sighs, shaking his head. "I don't know, Tessa." 

"Is that it?" I ask him, suddenly. "Are we done? Are we over? Just like that? Is that it?" 

He looks at me now, his eyes widened. "Tessa..." he sighs, seeming exasperated. 

"That wasn't no," I tell him. "You didn't say no. Does that mean we're over? I don't want us to be over." 

"According to you, I never loved you in the first place anyway," Connor remarks, sarcastically. 

"I didn't mean it like that," I say, sighing. "It all got twisted, I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have assumed those things, and I definitely shouldn't have said anything to Natalie. That's my fault, that's on me. I'm sorry." 

"You said that," he mutters under his breath. "I get it, you're sorry. You didn't mean to say it. I get it, Tessa." 

"I mean it," I insist, earnestly. "I really do. It's just..." 

"It's okay to say that you were being honest," Connor tells me. "It's fine. You can say that, if you want to." 

"I don't want to," I tell him, truthfully. "I really do regret saying it. I didn't think about it ever getting back to you. I didn't know that Natalie was going to go ahead and tell you! I had no idea she would do that." 

"So, that makes it okay then? If I don't know about it? That justifies saying those things, making those assumptions?" Connor asks, turning to face me. 

"No, I didn't say that," I sigh. "This is so messed up. I don't know what to say to you. You're not exactly making it easy." 

"Oh, I'm not making it easy?" he scoffs. "Me? Really? Oh, I see. I'm definitely in the wrong here, sure. That makes complete sense." 

"No, it's not like that," I tell him. "I didn't mean it in that way." 

"You seem to be saying a lot of things that you conveniently don't mean," Connor says. "That seems to be a common theme with you, doesn't it?" 

"That's not fair," I protest. "I'm sorry, I've said that so many times, and I really do mean it. I'm so sorry, but at least I'm trying. You're just sitting there, ignoring me. Do you not want to try and fix this?" 

"Some things can't be fixed," Connor sighs, looking away from me. 

He can't be talking about us. After everything, he can't be talking about us. I can't lose him, I can't lose this. Anything but this. I can't lose him. 

"What do you mean by that?" I ask him, warily. "Are you talking about this...us? Do you think that we can't save this? Do you think that we can't save us?" 

 "I don't know," he tells me. "But it's like I said before, some things can't be fixed." 

"Wow," I say, standing up. "Some things can't be fixed? Really? After everything we've been through, you're not even going to try? Really?" 

He just sits there, and shrugs. "I..." he starts, but then trails off. I guess he didn't want to continue. 

"Forget it," I say, bitterly. "I can't do this right now. I'm going. We can talk about this later, if you even still want to try." 

"Okay," is Connor's brief response. It doesn't indicate much. 

"I'm not doing this right now," I tell him, coldly. "I'm going."

Just like that, I leave the apartment, making sure to slam the door behind me. I can't believe that he thinks we can't be saved. 

He isn't even going to try. I understand that I hurt him, but he really hurt me there. He isn't even going to try and fix things. Maybe he doesn't even want to fix things. I don't know. 

I don't know how Connor feels about me leaving, but since he hasn't come running after me, I guess he must not care. 

I had never imagined that this would happen. It was so good, I never imagined that it could actually end. 

He's a part of me, a part of my life, and my life wouldn't feel right without him in it. I need him. 

He might not want to try, but I still do. I can't let go of this, I just can't. I need him too much. It hurts too much to let him go. I have to fix this and save us. There has to still be a chance. 

I just don't know if he wants to fix things.