Make Up Your Mind | Endeavor x Reader

Chapter Seventeen | Mistake

I finally did it. I kissed him. If only it was a good thing.

***

I felt butterflies and anything good surge through my body as I kissed him, losing all sense of reality. It felt as if time had stopped just for me in this moment to enjoy.

Until he pulled me away from him and reminded me that reality is not my personal fantasy, and that they should be kept separate.

"What are you doing...?" I feel the same happy and tingly energy I felt a second ago leave my body, left for me take in Enji's shell shocked expression.

I quickly yank my body away from his hands, collecting myself. "I—I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

I meet Enji's eyes for a moment, seeing them widen in realization. "Wait. Y/n, d—do you have feelings for me?"

"I thought you felt the same," I mumble, trying to hide the embarrassment in my voice. "I'm obviously crazy for thinking that."

I somehow find this situation funny, but I stop when I see Enji's face is stone cold. "Wait wait wait. You have feelings for me?"

I feel a pit of bitterness form inside my chest. What is he trying to get at? Is he just going to repeat the same thing over and over, reminding me that he doesn't feel the same? I don't say anything, I just look down.

"Y/n—look at me, please," Enji says, his tone almost pleading. I curse myself when I feel my eyes swell with tears, ready for one wrong word to let it all spill out. "How long have you had these feelings?"

"These feelings? You say it as if they're a bad thing," I say, letting the tears fall down my cheeks.

Enji tries to reach for my hand—to which I want to happen—and I guess he senses that, because he retracts his hands and instead intertwines his own.

"Y/n, I want you to understand that I'm too old for you," I try to search his eyes in hopes for the same soft look I saw a second ago, but all I get in turn are hard eyes that won't tell me what he's thinking. "I'm almost twice your age—"

"I don't care about that. Why does it matter?" I feel anger mix into the pit forming in my chest, not really understanding why. It's not like he's entitled to be with me.

"I don't have the same feelings for you, Y/n," I should be shattered at the words, heartbroken, even. But I'm not. Instead, I'm desperately trying to search for a weak spot in his hard expression that denies his statement. But I still can't.

"Was it because of that night—dinner?" My eyes widen.

How did he know? Was it just a guess? Was I obvious that night in showing my feelings? Or did he really feel something from that night? Or are am I slowly turning delusional? Maybe a bit of everything.

I bite my lip and turn the other way, not wanting to admit it. We sit there in silence for what felt like an eternity, until he breaks it with a sigh.

"Look, Y/n, we just...can't, okay? This won't work out."

I shoot my head in his direction, my mind replaying the words over and over. This won't work out this won't work out this won't work out thiswontworkout.

"How do you know that? You won't even try—"

"Because I don't see you that way," Enji interjects, his flames starting to hiss.

"Then how do you see me?" I demanded more than asked him, but nonetheless, I expected an answer.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Y/n," Enji warns, his voice raised.