Homestar Saga

Chapter 2: Madlad Mims

Yvian strafed her ship, weapons blazing. The human vessel dodged easily, Her comm chirped. "Weapons range isn't about how far the shot will go. It's about reaction speed." Captain Mims fired a salvo. Yvian adjusted her strafe, easily avoiding the lances of blue energy. Mims continued. "Even a basic Particle Cannon like this one can travel tens of thousands of kilometers before it dissipates, but at any range over 3k, they're trivial to avoid. AimAssist will let you target another ship at almost any distance, but you're not going to hit them unless you get in close."

"I'll show you close," Yvian muttered. She gunned the engines. Her Visp fighter shot towards the human vessel. She kept her thumb on the accelerator node, pushing faster and faster. The human's Mark One Hornet slammed a salvo up the nose of her craft. "Shit!"

"Of course," Mims continued, "Getting close is hard to do. Maintaining a straight trajectory leaves you wide open, and most pilots that go for a straight charge get shredded before they realize their mistake." He fired another salvo. Yvian barely managed to dodge. "You have to keep changing direction, and you have to stay unpredictable." He fired again. Yvian shifted to avoid the shots and flew straight into his follow-up salvo." Her shields were down to thirty six percent. "If the enemy predicts your movements you die."

Yvian fired, still accelerating. She gunned the port thrusters, spinning, trying to avoid return fire and still keep the Hornet in her sights. The human ship danced around the attack. Even when she closed to 500 meters her salvos could not connect. He casually blasted the underside of her ship as she barreled past. The particle bolts tore through her shields and turned her Visp to dust.

Yvian swore. Twenty three simulations, and she had yet to land a single hit on Captain Mims. She looked over at him, checking for any hint of smugness. There was none. "I think that's enough for today," he said, removing his headset. "Let's go get some grub."

Yvian called her sister on the comms and told her it was dinner time. She met them in the kitchen. Lissa gave Yvian a wave, then wrapped herself around Captain Mims. Yvian rolled her eyes as they made out with wet smacking noises. Pixens and humans were too genetically different to reproduce, but that didn't mean they couldn't boink. Lissa and Mims had been boinking. Loudly. A lot. Yvian wouldn't have minded so much if they were quieter about it. The constant echoing of their happy fun times was an obnoxious reminder that she wasn't getting laid. It had been a month since she'd even seen a woman she wasn't related to, and it was starting to get on her nerves.

Lissa eventually pried herself off the human, grinning. "So how's the training going, Sis? Are you a super combat ace, yet?"

"No," she complained. "I couldn't land a single shot. He just toyed with me the whole time."

The human looked up from fiddling with the food dispenser. "It's like that at first. Piloting is a lot like martial arts. You can learn the basics in a day, but it takes hundreds of hours to become competent. Thousands, if you want to get good. You're picking it up pretty quick, all things considered."

"Thanks, that..." Yvian thought she was being patronized, at first, but the Captain hadn't bothered to spare her feelings once in the short time since they'd met. He hadn't handed out many compliments, either. "...makes me feel better, actually."

"No charge." Mims pulled two flat circles out of the dispenser and slid them into the oven. "Dinner will be pizza."

"Oh, pizza night," Lissa said. "I like pizza."

"You sure have a lot of fresh food," Yvian remarked. "Terran food, no less. Doesn't that get expensive?"

"It's worth it," the human replied. "I can't stand that protein paste that passes for rations around here." He set a timer. "How do the ships look, Lissa?"