Homestar Saga

Chapter 117: Rescue

Pixenoid synthetics had not been seen in the Confederation for hundreds of years. The Xyx had built some, and the revolt of their sapient machines had cost billions of lives and ended in the total destruction of their species. Much like humans, pixenoid machines enjoyed an infamous place in Confederation serials. Especially horror. They were portrayed as cold, evil, and Fucking Dangerous.

Space Captain, Yvian's favorite show, had featured a pixenoid synthetic exactly once. The Metal Massacre had been so powerful and dangerous that Space Captain had had no choice but to join forces with Lord Evil himself to defeat it. The story arc had taken three whole episodes, and Space Captain's trusty sidekick, Space Cadet, died in the fight.

Yvian figured that seeing Kilroy in the metal flesh would be much like meeting Lord Evil in person. A mix of shock, surreal wonder, and extreme fear. The Agent, pale as he was, reacted with admirable calm and very professional violence. Not that it would do him any good.

The Agent snapped three shots from his blaster in under a second. Two to center mass, and one that struck the Peacekeeper in one of his red, glowing eyes. He didn't get the chance to pull the trigger a fourth time. Kilroy moved faster than Yvian could see. A loud crack sounded through the interrogation room. The Agent fell. Most of his head was gone. Blood and gore and brain matter splattered the bulkhead behind his falling body.

The Peacekeeper held his bloody fist away from himself. Gore removed itself from his hand, his suit, and his face, dropping to the deck. Clean again, the machine strode quickly to stand behind Yvian's chair. He tapped into the console in the back of it, and the chair's manacles released Yvian's limbs.

"Thanks, Kilroy," said Yvian. "How long-" She was interrupted by the shriek of tearing metal. A deep coughing roar followed, vibrating her chair and sending shocks of adrenaline up and down her legs. Her body seized at the sound, freezing in place as her heart pounded. After the sound faded, it took another few seconds for Yvian to regain control of her body. When she did, she immediately cradled her head in her hands. She'd had a headache when she woke, but now...

"Five hours, twenty three minutes," the Peacekeeper told her. He withdrew a device from his suit and pressed it into Yvian's neck. She heard a hiss, and felt sweet relief spreading through her bloodstream. Another few seconds, and her pain was gone.

"Thank you," Yvian said again. She picked up the fallen Agent's gun and pointed it at a bulkhead. She pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. Must be DNA locked. She dropped it. "What took you so long, anyway?"

"This unit arrived at precisely the correct time," Kilroy assured her. He turned and walked out of the room. Yvian followed, trying to resist the urge to rub her backside. That chair had not been comfortable.

She found herself in a corridor. To her right was a cargo bay, littered with bodies in power armor. She was on a ship, then. Probably a frigate, judging by the size of the bay. Doors lined the corridor. One of the other doors had been torn open. Scarrend Scathach was in the process of stepping back through it.

"Because I pledged my life to you," the Vrrl was saying. His upper set of arms held what appeared to be a severed Brilend leg. His lower set of arms each held a heavy blaster of Vrrl design. His helmet was open, and his muzzle was bloody.

"And I turned you down," Captain Mims reminded him as he stepped into the corridor. He was wearing black shorts and a tank top. "We're already being paid, and I don't need a giant murdercat following me around for life."

"I pledged it all the same," said the giant murdercat. He took a bite of the leg. "Besides, this was something I had to see for myself." Scarrend chuckled. "The great Kinslayer, most infamous of all Scargivers, captured by mere Brilends." He chuckled. "This will make for a most amusing report."