Homestar Saga

Chapter 136: Coffee

"I'm a molecular biologist." Dr. Laswell leaned back in her chair, sipping from a cup full of steaming brown liquid. The human was a lot calmer than the last time Yvian had seen her, on the bridge of the Last Hope of the Ones Who Were Betrayed. She was wearing a white voidsuit, but without the helmet this time. Her hair was yellow. Her eyes were brown with crinkles at the corners. "I don't know the first thing about weapons technology."

"Ok." Captain Mims spared her a glance, then went back to scowling at the backs of the last departing pixens. Yvian hadn't been expecting to see pixen scientists on the station. The pixen scientists certainly hadn't expected to see her. The moment Yvian followed Mims and Kilroy into the lab, all work had ceased. Two dozen sets of eyes had focused on Yvian. Some were afraid. Some were angry. All were silent. A few seconds later, they had risen as one. Without a word, every pixen stood up and made their way to the lab's other exit. "So?"

"So I don't understand why I've been put in charge." Dr. Laswell fidgeted with her cup. Her eyes flicked to Yvian, but she maintained her irritated expression. "I'm barely qualified to run a research team, let alone an entire department."

"I don't know what you're asking me for," the Captain told her. The door slid shut behind the last pixen. He turned back to the Doctor. "I'm not the one who made that decision."

Yvian took a look around the lab, trying to distract herself from the condemnation of her people. The lab was smaller than she expected. Twenty meters by fifteen meters. Consoles and complicated devices were placed irregularly throughout the room. MAC rounds were scattered throughout the room, hooked up to machines or just laying in piles. It was a busy, messy place, a far cry from the organized, futuristic expanse she had imagined.

"Then who did?" Dr. Laswell leaned forward. Yvian forced herself to focus back on the conversation.

Kilroy spoke up. "The decision was made by Peacekeeper units."

Dr. Laswell raised an eyebrow. "You let Peacekeepers make those kind of decisions?"

"Why not?" Mims asked. "They're citizens like everyone else."

"We essentially run the government," Kilroy added. "And the Military. And most of the Economy. You meatbags are almost completely dependent on Peacekeeper units."

"Oh." A hint of worry cracked through the Doctor's annoyance. "I didn't know that."

"Most pixens were raised to be sex workers," Mims explained. "They were exploited and abused, with no education and no skills to speak of. We're doing what we can, but it will probably be a generation before most of them can care for themselves."

The blonde human hmmed as she sipped her hot drink. "That does explain some things."

Mims walked closer, a strange look on his face. "Is that coffee?" He stared at the woman's cup. "Real coffee?"

"Yes." The scientist gestured at a device with a glass jug under it. "Would you like some?"

Instead of answering, Mims made his way to the jug and poured himself a cup. "Where'd you get coffee?"

"One of the Peacekeepers." Dr. Laswell took another sip. "Dr. Robot, I think it called itself?"

"Peacekeeper unit Doctor Roboto," Kilroy corrected. "New Pixa was terraformed by the Xill. They seeded the planet with flora and fauna from Earth that was. Pixen biochemistry is similar to humans, so we have introduced human forms of nutrition. Coffee is currently the third most popular beverage among pixen meatbags, behind beer and prune juice."

"And I'm just finding out about it now?" The Captain sputtered. "Do you know how long it's been since I had coffee?"

"This unit did not know you liked coffee." The Peacekeeper's voice was oddly apologetic. "This unit will have coffee stocked on the Random Encounter."