Homestar Saga

Chapter 154: Rules of Engagement

"Unacceptable." Warmaster Skrell Scathach scowled, crossing both sets of his arms. "The human military are detonating their ships every time we try to board. If we want meat, we have no choice but to take it from the stations."

"From Military stations, sure." Captain Mims met the Vrrl's glower with his usual cold professionalism. "But we're not hitting civilian targets." '

The Encounter's kitchen was feeling crowded. Mims, Yvian, and Lissa were sitting at the table. The Captain nursed a cup of coffee, while the girls had beer. Four hulking Vrrl loomed over the three of them. All three Warmasters of the Starfang Empire, along with Scarrend. Kilroy stood nearby. Yvian wasn't as afraid of Vrrl as she used to be, but it was still uncomfortable to have so many of them so close, and years of space travel had done nothing to lessen her hatred of close bodies in cramped spaces.

"Foolishness." Nekomata Sithis, Second Warmaster of the Vrrl Starfang Empire, curled her lips, revealing a set of fangs that could give a pixen nightmares. "Civilians, Military, these are concepts for softpaws. To us there is only prey." She bit her salmon in half, chewing loudly for emphasis.

"More importantly," Scathach growled, "the human Military will detonate their stations when we board, just as they do with their ships. The softer paws may be our only source of food."

"This isn't a lunch run, Scathach," Mims pointed out.

"No," Scathach agreed. "This is war. A war the Terran Federation has brought upon itself." He leaned forward, raising two of his eyebrows. "All is fair in love and war, is it not?"

Mims frowned. "Shakespeare wasn't part of the reading list."

Scathach snorted. "Did you think I would not seek more knowledge than what you offered?"

Mims shrugged. "Regardless, this is how we're doing it." He took a sip of his coffee. "If you want to be part of the attack, you've gotta follow the rules of engagement."

"Follow?" A low, rumbling growl filled the kitchen. Lafcadio Tab, First Warmaster of the Vrrl Starfang Empire, regarded the Captain with an expression halfway between a sneer and apoplexy. "You dare expect a Vrrl to follow your rules?"

"If you don't like it, don't come." Mims leaned back in his chair and took another swig from his cup. "You're the ones who wanted in on the attack."

"Insolence..." The First Warmaster crouched slightly, all three eyes locked on the human. He was even bigger than Scathach, a full three and a third meters tall. His fur was orange with red stripes. His mane was white. Four scars stretched from eyes to muzzle down the side of his face. Warmaster Tab's armor was bone white, and he was missing an ear. He growled a second time. Louder. "Scathach might tolerate your disrespect human. I will not."

Mims set down his coffee cup. "Are you sure that's how you want to play this?"

"I am of the Apex." Tab flexed his hands, unsheathing his claws. "I can take your head before your weak eyes see the movement."

"Incorrect." Kilroy spoke up. His eyes were red. "You will be dead before you come within two meters of Big Daddy Mims."

Warmaster Tab spared a glance at the Peacekeeper. His lip curled in disgust. "Scathach named you Scargiver, but I don't smell it. All you know how to do is hide behind your machines."

"You think so?" Mims rose from his chair. "Kilroy, I think Warmaster Tab could use a lesson in etiquette. Why don't you let him make his move."

"Affirmative." The machine's eyes stayed red. "This unit will not kill Lafcadio Tab unless Lafcadio Tab succeeds in killing you."