Homestar Saga

Chapter 45: Mobs and Monsters

Yvian had made a terrible mistake.

"Distractingly sexy!?" Lissa's voice raised several pitches. They were standing outside of Feelgood's mod parlor. Captain Mims held his helmet in his hands. He had been about to put it on when the argument started. The crowds flowing through the corridor still stared and muttered at the sight of the human, but the Captain cared less about their reaction than Lissa's ability to see his face.

"I'm just saying it's harder to intimidate someone if they start drooling when you walk in the room." Mims kept his voice even, but his features scrunched in a mix of worry and irritation. His attempts to explain the situation had backfired, making Lissa more angry with every word.

This was not what Yvian had wanted. Her offhand comment had been designed to make the Captain mildly uncomfortable and open the way for her sister to drop some witty banter on him. Lissa's visceral reaction had caught them all by surprise.

"And that's what happens when she walks in the room, is it? You start drooling?" Lissa flashed a snarl at Yvian, then went back to trying to murder the human with her eyes.

"That's not what I said." Mims broke into a glower of his own. "You can't possibly think I'd cheat on you with Yvian. You just want to see me squirm."

"You don't tell me what I can think!" Her scream ricocheted through the corridor. Every single person turned at the sound. Lissa ignored them, fists clench, shaking with rage. "Don't you ever."

"You know damned well I wouldn't pull that shit." The human's pitch stayed the same, but the volume increased. "And you know damned well Yvian wouldn't stand for it, even if she was attracted to men." He shot her a glance before shouting, "Which she absolutely fucking isn't!"

"Uh..." Danil Starlancer cut in. Yvian had sort of forgotten he was still there. "Not that I don't appreciate the drama, but this might not be the best place to have this conversation."

"Stay out of this, Danil," growled Mims. "You're not part of the group."

"She's not and she wouldn't," Lissa agreed, almost hissing. "But you wish she fucking would."

Oh. Crunch. So that was the problem. Yvian had dropped her comment secure in the knowledge that Lissa trusted Mims. And she did. But Yvian hadn't factored for her sister's insecurities. Lissa wasn't worried the Captain would betray her. She was afraid he might want to. She was terrified he didn't want her. That she wasn't good enough. That she didn't deserve his love.

It made sense, Yvian supposed. Lissa had always been insecure, and she had terrible taste in men. Every boyfriend she'd ever had had lied and cheated, usually with women she'd thought were friends. Few people, and no lovers, had given the love and respect Lissa deserved.

Come to think of it, Lissa's taste in men hadn't really improved, much. Sure, the Captain was loyal. He loved her sister as best he could. But that didn't change the fact that he was a cold blooded killer with more issues than Spacedock Weekly. He was stubborn, obsessive, half the galaxy was trying to kill him, and he was almost as socially awkward as Yvian herself. As much as she loved the guy, she had to admit he probably wasn't marriage material.

The Captain opened his mouth to shout back, but stopped, brow furrowed. "You really are jealous?" He glanced over again. "Of Yvian?"

"Well..." A hint of embarrassment crept into her glare. "You keep saying how sexy she is..."

"Of course I did," said the Captain. "She's almost as pretty as you are. It's a tactical liability." He glanced at Yvian, decided speaking to her would be unhelpful, then gestured at the reporter.