Homestar Saga

Chapter 158: Shell Game

"It's a goddamned waste." Captain Mims glared at the holodisplay. A massive cloud of debris caromed through the void in an ever expanding dome around the Gate. "There's gotta be a way around it."

"Negative," said Kilroy. "The missile complement of each Federation ship has been rigged with proximity detectors and a dead man's switch. If the vessel loses power or detects an object within two kilometers, the missiles detonate. High Commander Bartholomew Young has taken great care to avoid letting us capture his ships."

"What about stealth?" Yvian suggested. "Peacekeeper units don't show up on sensors."

"They do if they use SHIELDBREACH," Lissa pointed out.

"That's what the Queens are for," said Yvian. "We can knock the shields down and let a unit sneak on board. Disarm the bombs."

"Negative," said Kilroy. "There are multiple redundancies. Any attempt to remove the detonators will result in detonation."

"There's gotta be a way," Yvian reasoned. "The High Commander wouldn't just throw away that many ships without a plan to get them back."

"Yes he would," said Lissa.

"Those ships are from the Stockpile," said Mims. "When the Federation decommissions a ship, they don't strip it for parts. They store it. They've also had their shipyards working around the clock for the better part of thirty years. Any ships that aren't needed by Stellar Defense or XTRO get added to the reserve. They've probably got another billion ships floating out there."

"Why didn't they use them, then?" Lissa wondered. "Another fifty million a Gate would have been more than we could handle."

"Not enough time, I guess." Mims shrugged. "Jumpdrives are new tech, and most of those old ships wouldn't have them. Some poor bastard had to install a drive, jump the ship, take the jumpdrive back out, program the autopilot, and rig the thing to blow. The entire Stellar Defense Force is only eight hundred million people or so, and half of those have been busy fighting the Vrrl. It's amazing they managed as much as they did."

"Could you take control of the ships?" Yvian asked Kilroy. "Reprogram the autopilot?"

"Unlikely," said the Peacekeeper. "The meatbags are aware of Peacekeeper unit capabilities. Peacekeeper units could avoid detection and board the ships, but there is a high probability they will detonate once control systems are accessed. It is possible such a failsafe could be circumvented, but it is more likely the ships will self destruct in the attempt."

"Strange," Scarrend remarked. "I never expected a Peacekeeper to admit there was something it could not do."

"Peacekeeper units are superior," Kilroy reminded him. "Superior beings do not need to let ego cloud an objective assessment. Pride and foolish boasts are for meatbags."

"I smell," said the Vrrl.

"All meatbags smell." Kilroy's eyes flashed yellow. "This unit won't hold it against you."

Lissa gave the machine an exasperated look. "How long have you been holding onto that joke?"

"The correct amount of time." The machine's eyes flashed yellow again. "Comedy is a science."

"It's a goddamned waste," Mims repeated. "The biggest fleet we ever got our hands on, and we're gonna have to turn it into debris."

"Why do you care so much?" asked Lissa. "It's not like we've got the pilots to fly that many ships anyway."

"I'm a Privateer." Mims reminded her. "Capturing ships is how I make my living." He shrugged. "Giving up that many rubs me the wrong way."

"We could wait," Yvian suggested. "Think on it some more and come up with something." She switched the display to show the fleet guarding the West Gate in Aldara sector. "They're just sitting there. It's not like we don't have time."