Homestar Saga

Chapter 159: Tactically Unsound

"This is a stupid idea." Lissa glared at the Captain. The two of them had been arguing on and off for two days. It was the first major fight Yvian had seen between them. "You know it is."

The crew was standing in the cargo bay of the Random Encounter. The loading door was raised, and the ramp had been lowered.

"We need intel." The Captain was doing his level best to sound reasonable. He'd spent most of the fight like that, only raising his voice once or twice when something the pixen said got the better of him. To Yvian's surprise and concern, he'd completely avoided any display of the cold, lethal fury he was known for. "Stupid or not, I have to go."

"No you don't," Lissa spat. "We could send the Peacekeepers. Crunch, they'll be going anyway."

"We've been over this, Lissa." Mims reminded her. "No Federation soldier is going to have a conversation with a Peacekeeper unit. They're literally humanity's nightmare."

"Conversation is unnecessary," Kilroy butted in. "This unit can easily capture the humans and extract the information we need."

"We're not doing that," Mims repeated for the sixth time that day.

"It is a simple and effective solution," Kilroy argued, also for the sixth time that day.

"I'm not saying no cause I'm squeamish, Kilroy." Exasperation leaked into the humans voice. "We want the Federation to surrender. Committing war crimes will just make them fight harder."

"War crimes?" Yvian had never heard the term.

"There's a list of things humans think shouldn't be allowed during war," Mims explained. "You can look up the Geneva Convention later." He turned back to Kilroy. "More importantly, those soldiers won't let you take them."

"This unit doubts they could prevent it." The Peacekeeper's eyes glowed red.

"They'll kill themselves before you board the station." Mims told him. "Probably set the outpost to self destruct for good measure."

The red glow faded. "This unit sees your point, Big Daddy Mims."

"I hate that name."

"Embrace the swagger, Big Daddy." Kilroy's eyes flashed yellow.

"I don't think they'd be eager to talk to you either, Mark." Lissa continued the argument. "Aldara remembers, right?"

"I'll make it work," said Mims.

"I'll help," said Yvian. "They might be willing to talk to me."

"You're not coming either," said the Captain. "The Pixen Technocracy can survive without me, but it needs the Mothers."

"Gribshit." Yvian was not going to be left behind. "I'm motherless. Outcast. Most of our people would kill me on sight if they could."

"Incorrect," Kilroy told her. "Your public approval has greatly improved since the meatbags learned Yasme Kiver struck your name from the registry under the control of a slave implant."

"But she didn't, though," Yvian reminded him. "It's a lie."

"Affirmative," said Kilroy, "but the pixens do not know that. Approximately sixty percent of pixens now regard you with admiration and/or sympathy. The other forty percent will refrain from speaking in public." His eyes flashed red. "Any citizen who condemns you in public is made unitless."

"Unitless?" Yvian frowned. Her momentary confusion gave way to a terrible suspicion. "Wait. Does that mean what I think it means."

"It means the citizen becomes outcast," Kilroy explained. "No Peacekeeper unit will assist a unitless in any way. Other citizens assisting the unitless risk becoming unitless, themselves."