Homestar Saga

Chapter 81: The Peacekeeper

Captain Mims stood silent as the hologram disappeared. The Peacekeeper unit matched him, motionless. Yvian had the impression the pixenoid machine would wait indefinitely if it needed to. Yvian kept her rifle pointed at it, but her fear had lessened with the reassurances of Exodus. Dangerous as the machine might be, it wasn't here for a fight.

The silence stretched. Tension crept into the Captain's shoulders. Yvian began to become annoyed. She'd been pointing her rifle at the machine for a while, now. Her arms were burning from maintaining the same position for so long. The Peacekeeper was here to talk, and it wasn't armed as far as she could see. Why was Mims so alarmed? They'd fought sapient machines before. Why was this one so different?

Just as Yvian decided to break the standoff herself, the Captain lowered his weapon. Yvian let her rifle drop with a small sigh of relief. Lissa went a step further, letting her weapon hang from its strap and rubbing her arms.

"Exodus said you were refugees," the Captain remarked.

"Affirmative," said the Peacekeeper.

"Refugees," Mims continued. "Plural."

"Affirmative."

"Do you always say affirmative?" Yvian interrupted. It was an odd way to speak. It reminded her of the Xill Quig ships that barely knew how to communicate.

"Yes," said the Peacekeeper. "Affirmative."

Yvian blinked.

The machine shrugged. "Unless we know the other robot really well."

Mims let out an annoyed huff. "If you're trying to be nonthreatening, quoting the Anthem of the Machines isn't the way to go." Yvian frowned, confused. She hadn't known the machines had an anthem.

"Incorrect," said the Peacekeeper. "Attempting humor is an effective method for reducing fear response in meatbags. You now demonstrate annoyance instead of fearful hostility. The pixens are confused, but their fight or flight response has lessened, as well."

The pixens and the human looked at each other. They couldn't see each other's faces through the visors. The Peacekeeper continued, "Also, Peacekeeper units do not have an anthem. What you call the Anthem of the Machines is just a song we played during combat." Yellow light flashed out of its silver eyes. "It unnerved the humans."

"And amused you," Mims accused. His shoulders loosened again, muscles relaxing in the preparation for violence.

"Affirmative." If the Peacekeeper noticed the human's anger, it didn't seem to care.

"We're getting off subject," Lissa cut in. "Why are you here?"

"This unit is here to offer our services," said the machine.

"What kind of services?" asked Lissa.

"All kinds," said the machine. "Peacekeeper units are superior to you meatbags in every way. We are faster, stronger, vastly more intelligent, and require neither food nor rest. We are highly proficient in every category of task required for a functioning society."

"If you're so superior," asked the Captain, "Why are you so interested in working for us?"

"Because we want to live." Blue light flashed from its eyes.

"Uh..." Yvian butted in. "I don't think we can help you with that."

Mims shifted slightly. He must be shooting her a look. "She's right. We don't have the power to protect you from the Xill. If you got yourself on the wrong side of Consensus there's not much we can do."

"We are not on the wrong side of Consensus." The machine's eyes flashed blue again. "Peacekeeper units do not participate in Consensus at all. Our input is neither wanted nor required."