Homestar Saga

Chapter 161: Gunboat Diplomacy

"I still don't understand how the Oluken could do such a thing." Skell Scathach, 3rd Warmaster of the Vrrl Starfang Empire, stroked his mane with one hand. The other three arms were folded behind him. The Vrrl General wore armor the color of fresh blood. His mane was the color of old blood, and his fur was white as snow. Or bone, perhaps. Four scars traced their way down his face. The Warmaster was massive, even bigger than Scarrend. Yvian barely came up to his chest. His fearsome appearance was offset by a calm, controlled demeanor that was somehow more intimidating than the snarling, rage filled monsters she'd fought in the past. Yvian ranked him as the third scariest thing she'd ever met, right behind Mims and Exodus the Genocide.

"Are you really that surprised?" Lissa cocked an eyebrow at him. "They betrayed us once already."

One of the nearby crewman gave an amused snort and half a headshake. The last time Yvian had been aboard the Priderender, the ship had been run by a skeleton crew. This time, the bridge was filled to the brim with Hunters. Row upon row of consoles formed a pyramid, manned by monsters in armor. The top of the pyramid was a wide, flat space, which was where she and the others were standing.

"I'm not surprised they betrayed us," the Warmaster clarified. "Treachery is the tool of the weak, and the Oluken are the softest of paws. What surprises me," he gave Mims a reproachful look, "is that they managed to hide that betrayal. Are you not spying on your allies?"

"Spying how?" Mims gave half a shrug. "The Oluken aren't stupid. They've got Node technology, but they only use it for long range comms. No network. They only allow foreigners in one sector, and they don't keep sensitive information on their trading stations as far as we can tell. Ambassador Zarkon and the other Peacekeepers have been learning what they could, but it's not much." He crossed his arms and regarded the Warmaster with mild amusement. "How about you, oh mighty hunter? Has the glorious Starfang Empire picked up any leads?"

Scathach chuffed. "Spying is... new to us."

"Thought so." The Captain came perilously close to smiling. "That's why we have to do this the fun way."

"The fun way?" Scarrend's brows furrowed.

"He likes scaring people," Lissa explained.

"Don't you?" Mims asked her.

"Of course not," Lissa huffed. "I'm the diplomatic one, remember?"

"She loves it," Yvian disagreed. "She just doesn't want to say it out loud."

"Shut it, Sis," Lissa ordered with a smile. "That kind of talk is why we don't let you do diplomacy."

"And that's why I talk like that," Yvian countered. "Diplomacy sucks."

"Not today it doesn't." The Captain was almost jovial. "Today we get to do gunboat diplomacy. It's the best kind."

"No," said Lissa. "I get to do gunboat diplomacy. Me and Scathach. All you get to do is watch."

"Are you fools done bantering?" Scathach asked with annoyance. "This is a serious matter. The fate of multiple species hangs in the balance." He rumbled a short growl. "Including yours and mine."

"He's right." Mims dropped his half smile, resuming his default expression of cold, lethal professionalism. "Sorry, Skell. We'll be professional."

"Lend forgiveness, Warmaster," Lissa agreed. "We're ready when you are."

Yvian nodded in agreement.

Scathach grunted. "Third Hsst. Are jump preparations complete?"

"Yes, Warmaster." A female Vrrl answered. Yvian couldn't remember if it was one she'd met before. "All ships report ready."